I can't help but feel a strange sense of glee when I open up my... what should I call it? Beauty Cabinet. Yes, I have one of those. It's around... 6'.5 x 2' x 2.5'-ish (yeah, pretty damn big) and overflowing with product. I don't keep my makeup in this, but I do keep most of my non-makeup beauty products. It's so full, I'm actually thinking about buying a second one.

My makeup, on the other hand, is stored in two different places. Lip products are in two large cases. Non-MAC are in a very cute makeup case that my mom got from QVC and gave to me for Christmas a few years ago... And MAC lip products are in my Tour de Pink traincase (which is full.) All low-end (Bonne Bell stuff, you never get too old for that!) are in a box that a Juicy Tubes gift set came in. And then there's my MLS which I've had to divide between 3 cases because my collection is getting out of hand. Whatever isn't in those places is in my purse/car/vanity/pockets/wherever.

Non-lip products, which includes facial skincare, foundations, concealers, blush, bronzer, beauty powder, primer, eyeshadow, liner, mascara... you get the picture... Are in a large roll-top desk which I use as a vanity. I'd also consider this to be overflowing with product. Between my vast collection of MAC eyeshadows and brushes and drawers of stuff I rarely use... I have enough for 4 lifetimes.


On to the point here... Yes, there is a point. The reason I'm mentioning all this is because I'm the only one who knows about it... Besides you, cause now you know. And knowing is half the battle! Er...

I don't have any friends that wear makeup. I have my mom, who got me my first makeup ages ago.. It was a complete Victoria Jackson set. She's now LOLA cosmetics... But I remember all of that first stuff. She started me out in high-end makeup (I suppose VJ was considered high-end) and I've never looked back.

I could say that two of my friends wear makeup, but one is the wrong-foundation-color and brown mascara type, and the other is the poorly applied orange bronzer and smudged-on-the-eyelid mascara type. I don't even consider that makeup... there's no beauty in that.. Unless you consider orange lines on the side of your face beautiful.

Yes, I am completely alone in my addiction. It's difficult, because I have no one to share it with. When I've tried, they just call me crazy. K always wants me to go shopping with her, and usually I oblige her. We go to the mall for HOURS at a time, I wait patiently in The Limited while she looks at clothes and shoes and who knows what.... We go into the Gap, Old Navy, New York and Co... And I am patient, as a shopping companion should be.

When we finally pass MAC, or Sephora... or hell, even Bath and Body works... Oh boy. I go into MAC for five damn minutes and I hear, "Is that guy wearing mascara?!" "$14 for that little thing of eyeshadow?!" "Who would wear that color?!" "I would never spend that much on makeup!!" "You don't need that!!" "You already HAVE a lipgloss!"

Never mind the fact that she just bought $300 worth of shoes that she'll probably wear once, and they pretty much all look the same. We won't even go into how much she spent on clothes. But nooooo. I look at the one thing I choose to spend my hard-earned money on and suddenly I'm the crazy one.

I guess I'll find someone eventually... But for now, I just have to deal with the fact that I'm insane.

My enormous product collection has become my secret dirty pleasure. I know that no one else I know has any of the things I have. It's my way of being a snobby bitch without even trying. I just loooove being able to open my cabinet and not be able to choose which perfume to wear today because I have so many of them... I love having 30 different kinds of shower gel to match my every mood... I love being able to wear 9 different colors of eyeshadow at the same time and make it look amazing, like a multi-faceted gem glimmering in the sun.

But one day, if someone comes along... Someone just as crazy as I am... I'm never gonna let them go.