Ojon Review, BPAL Hoarding and WTF is up with Stila Glamour Galore sets?

I've been bitten by the haircut beast again.

My hair is now much shorter and that gives me an excuse to switch hair products again...

Here's an unlikely change: Using Ojon.

I reviewed the Ojon restorative treatment a while back and I really hated it. I have stacks of samples of it piling up around the house, so I thought I might as well give it another try.

The smell is really, uh, interesting. It smells like incense, burnt coffee and cigarettes. Oddly enough, I'm actually starting to like it.

Last time I tried Ojon I had really long hair. Now my hair is chin-length in the front and nothing in the back.

When I had long hair it made my hair limp and flat and not really all that shiny.

Now all the hair I have is virgin hair, so it's shiny already, but the Ojon treatment really makes it gleam. I leave it in overnight and wash it out in the morning. I have to be really diligent about washing it all out or it makes my hair greasy. It seems to lessen the amount of damage I do to my hair, it makes it soft and very shiny and keeps the ends looking nice.

What I like even more than the restorative hair treatment is the Shine and Protect Glossing Mist. It's easily the best smelling hair product I've ever used. It's a coconutty-sandalwoody beachy yet rich sort of scent. It's amazing. The scent isn't the only great part of the product. The way it sprays is perfect. It makes a fine mist and it's really hard to overdo the application, and it lands lightly on my hair and makes it shiny, not greasy.

I've also been using the Shine and Protect shampoo and conditioner and I really like them. They smell great and keep my hair shiny and moisturized. I'd definitely recommend them if you can get past the fact that the conditioner is the color of bile.

Ha!

I'm going through a Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab rediscovery phase. I'm in love with everything they send me- from the things I ordered to the free imp's ears that they so generously include with every order.

My problem with collecting is my tendency to hoard things. I can't wait to get my order and then the day it comes I eagerly rip open the package, smell everything and then obsessive-compulsively sort it. I sit the bottles all in a row in their boxes and I sort the imp's ears into their alphabetically organized ammo boxes, carefully weeding out duplicates. I gaze at the humongous pile of perfume I've collected. And then, when everything is perfectly organized, put it away and I forget I have it.

So, I've decided to start to love my "stash." I'm going through everything and testing and wearing and actually enjoying the unloved items in my collection. I'm paying more attention to the general catalogue items that I usually ignore, now that I realize they could be discontinued at any moment.

Black Phoenix oils are really works of art. I know I've said it before, but there's really nothing else like them.

On a less positive note, WTF is going on with the Stila Glamour Galore sets?

I splurged and ordered one for myself for Christmas, and when it arrived it was missing two items and one of the All Over Shimmer compacts was broken! I called Sephora and they sent me another one, and, wouldn't you know it, the same thing! The replacement is missing an item and both the compacts are broken!

The set is out of stock now, so I don't know if I'll be able to get another one. I really want the items that I have, but I'm not paying full price for a set that's missing $40 worth of product, on top of $40 worth of broken but still usable product. I can't be the only one this has happened to. I wonder how Sephora is going to fix the problem?

I emailed them about the second incomplete set, but lately they're taking a very long time to respond. I don't feel like calling them again. I should be able to order something and have it be complete and not broken.

I'm not giving up my Spiced Ginger lip glaze.

LUSH Skincare Sucks Anus but L'Artisan Parfumeur Bois Farine doesn't.

Yeah, uh, about that LUSH skincare.

I had to add an extra day because I cheated one day. I just had to get the grease off.

The verdict: OMGWTF!!!!1

The first few days it seemed okay- my skin was clear, didn't feel stripped, no dry patches.

Now it's a whole different story. My skin is more pissed off than it has been since I took all those caffeine pills in '04. It's broken out in the worst possible way. Not little bitty bumps that I can cover with concealer and be on my merry way. Oh no, no. It's the kind that let you know you screwed up by hurting every time you move your face.

I should have known better than to wash my face with a bar of bacon grease cocoa butter.

I've found a new favorite fragrance! L'Artisan Parfumeur Bois Farine. It's so interesting! It's woody, it's flowery without smelling floral, it's almost powdery, and it has this hint of flour that I keep picking up...

Another love at the moment- Comptoir sud Pacifique Vanille Pitahaya. I can't quite place what exactly it reminds me of, but it's a beautiful scent. Of course, I love anything Comptoir sud Pacifique....

Okay, time to go back to applying ice to my freakin' face...

Trying out LUSH Skincare: Sweet Japanese Girl and Gorgeous

Just out of pure curiousity, I've decided to see if LUSH's skincare really lives up to its claims.

If you've ever read the product descriptions, you'll know that they either a) don't describe the product at all or b) claim that the product can cure AIDS, cancer and global warming with just one use.

As afraid as I am to use it on my face, I can't help but be lured into trying it...

This week, I've used nothing but Sweet Japanese Girl to cleanse, and Gorgeous to moisturize.

My skin looks okay, not really any different. It feels... it feels like it's coated in an inch of wax. Ugh.

Gorgeous is absurdly expensive for such inexpensive ingredients, and it feels like rubbing candle wax on your face. It smells nice, though. Kinda like orange blossom.

I ordered some toner, and as anti-toner as I am (or used to be after trying Shiseido's amazing toner), I feel like I really need it after using Sweet Japanese Girl. You're supposed to rub the bar on your face- dry bar, dry face. It melts and scratches, and you rub it in. Then you're supposed to wash it off with a wet washcloth. It doesn't really ever come off.


Well, I'll give it until Sunday and report back.

Why I hate Mary Kay, and some helpful eye makeup tips.

Ack! Speak of the devil. That Mary Kay lady keeps calling me! I just had a nice chat with her explaining why I don't like Mary Kay. I felt bad, it seemed like she took it personally. She kept insisting that Mary Kay is the "Number one selling brand in the world!" and that they are "the best!" I wonder if she could hear my eyes rolling.

I would encourage everyone to visit http://www.pinktruth.com before considering being bullied into becoming a "multi-millionaire" Mary Kay consultant.

I won't go into why I don't like Mary Kay as a company, as you can visit http://www.pinktruth.com and read about it for yourself.

I will explain further why I don't like the products. Simple:

* Low pigmentation
* Poor quality
* No variety
* No personality
* High price
* Too dated

Okay, I know this isn't the pick on Mary Kay blog, and I'm not trying to. It's just that these consultants are so pushy- they're like vultures! They are relentless! They'll say anything to get you to buy as much product as you can carry and guilt trip you into becoming a consultant.

Now for something positive. There's too much negativity in the air.

Let's talk about eyes!

I'm an eye person- I've always felt that they were my best feature and I always choose to make them the focal point of my look.

I feel that eyeliner and mascara are the simplest thing that anyone can do to make themselves instantly look better.

What's the point of eyeliner? It works in a few different ways. It darkens your lashline to make your lashes look thicker and your eyes more defined. It makes your eyes appear bigger and draws attention to them. It has a framing effect. It can also change the visual shape of your eyes depending on how you apply it, for example, the cat eye effect.

Eye makeup is absolutely worthless without mascara. You can't look finished without it. I see so many girls walking around with eyeshadow or eyeliner and straight, bland looking lashes. It makes their eyes look faded. It makes them look... weird. Like maybe they're sick, or tired.

Here's my eyeliner trick. I line inside my lashes, and on my upper waterline or upper rim. It really gives my eyes that extra something and eliminates any skin-colored gaps that can ruin your eye look. It can be a little tricky to do, but it's worth trying! It helps to look up with your eyes open, and take your pencil and run it along the wet part. Make sure it is freshly sharpened and clean. Then try to draw in your lashes. You can make dots in between or just do what I do and draw back and forth right at your lashline. Angle the pencil down and make sure you don't get it all over your lids.

You can stop there for a more natural look, or continue with a regular eyeliner application for a more defined look.

I always line last, right before curling my lashes. If you put eyeliner on before shadow, the shadow dulls your liner. If you curl your lashes first, it's difficult to make a straight line and you get a lot of lashes in the way. If you put mascara on first, the eyeliner ruins your mascara. The only exception is if you're doing a dark smoky eye- You can line first and put shadow on top, but I usually line again after that.

Mascara is the easiest part. Curl your lashes first! It helps. Take your curler, clamp right at the lashline (don't pinch yourself!) and hold for 10 seconds. You can either pump or hold, I do both and they both give the same result. Then, look at the mirror. Tilt your head back and look down your nose. That's a neat trick I learned that really comes in handy if you're like me and get mascara all over your lids.

Okay- you're sitting with your head tilted and you're looking down your nose- this gives you lots of lid space. Hold your mascara wand next to your lashes and blink. Once you have the first coat on, you can fill in where you want more lash. I always do extra on the outer edges of my lashes. It makes your eyes seem wider.

One more tip- always wear black mascara. Even if you are blonde. You want your lashes to frame your eyes and to be defined. When you wear brown mascara it makes your lashes blend in with the background, which makes your eyes blend in and not look quite right. It doesn't have to be super black - you can get soft black (or even dark blue!) but you want it to look like you have eyelashes, not weird brown fuzz.

That's all there is to it. It probably takes about a minute and a half to do, but it makes you look so much more awake and defined. It adds interest and helps draw attention to your eyes.

Stay Away From Mary Kay (Seriously.)

I'm back! Man, it's really good to be home. I never thought of my self as a snobby "city girl" until staying a week in the country... It's so good to be back in a mold-free bathroom. I can finally feel clean after showering again!


I had an epiphany. I attended a (don't laugh) Mary Kay party last night. Now, I have to be nice because a very good friend of mine had asked me to go, and who am I to turn down a chance to play makeup? But, good golly, it was like Makeup for Retards, 101. I wanted to stab my eye out with the disposable sponge-tip applicator.

It wasn't just the sub-par quality of the products, the indoctrination or the identical look everyone was wearing. It was the whole experience. This is where the epiphany part happens.

These girls, really I love them to death, it's just so sad that they cling to this terrible product for no reason other than it's the first/only brand they've been introduced to! I think the reason more women don't wear makeup more often is because of some of the crappy product they grew up using. I mean, based on my experience at this party, I can see that happening. I was handed poor quality products shaved onto a palette, no tools other than sponge-tip applicators, no proper lighting or instruction on how to make the makeup flatter and enhance your looks.... No nothing! Just scrape, apply, look like crap, then have the kooky lady insist that you'll make $80k a month being a Mary Kay consultant and you'll drive a pink Cadillac and live happily ever after.

I came in with my full face of MAC and the like, which I suppose can be a little startling, I'll admit, heh. I didn't know we would be applying makeup. I thought it was kind of like a tupperware party. Pass around the catalog, order junk and the hostess gets a nice bonus.

I was wearing a slightly over the top look. I was feeling festive. Copper Sparkle and bronze, loaded with Make Up For Ever diamond powder, black eyeliner and my usual metric ton of mascara. My face was covered in glitter a little bit, but that wasn't intentional. I found this cool spray at Bath and Body Works, it's like scented aerosol glitter. It's like super glitter explosion times ten. I tried to put some in my hair- one little spritz- and it covered my entire bathroom, head and body in glitter. I think I even inhaled it.... I'm gonna get the glitter lung... Anyway, getting off topic...

I'm instructed to take off my makeup. After a little hesitation I do so. We cleanse with a little blob of cleanser and remove it with a baby wipe... eeew. I put on some serum and moisturizer, eye cream and a lip mask. All over sticky baby wipe residue... eeww. We then apply some crappy yellow concealer, which is the wrong shade for everyone, and then some cakey orange foundation. We then apply orange powder with a cotton ball, and orange bronzer (also with a cotton ball.) We looked like the 80's.

We then move on to eyeshadow. My color scheme was plums. Cool, I rock the purples like nobody's business, I can handle putting it on with a sponge... Or so I thought. We go directly to applying eyeshadow without an eyeshadow base. So, my light purple shade ended up being translucent grey. We then apply the medium shade to the crease. Mine ended up being slightly darker translucent grey. Then we were to apply the darkest shade "in a triangle" with a sponge. Mine was kinda sparkly translucent grey. Hmm. Mary Kay lady also seemed to have missed the class on blending.

We get eyeliner and mascara samples and apply them. I look around and the other lovely ladies have the dreaded eyeliner gap- where there's skin clearly visible between the lashline and the liner itself. The Mary Kay lady has this also. Apparently this is an acceptable look in the Mary Kay world.

I am embarrassed to admit it, but my makeup looked like crap. My face was orange, my skin looked dry, my eyeshadow looked like garbage and I was wearing brown lipstick. I can't imagine many ladies being very excited about wearing makeup if they thought they would end up looking like this. Hell, if this was my only experience with cosmetics, I wouldn't wear it either! Though, I wouldn't know that there was anything better out there either, and maybe I would settle. I think that's it. These girls have never been in a Sephora, never heard of MAC, never have felt the giddiness of walking into a room full of sparkling little jars and tubes and pots and palettes.

That makes me a little sad. There's just so much fun waiting to happen with makeup. Playing with different looks and colors and textures, different scents and all that fun stuff. Maybe some women see it as a necessary evil. They wear it because they have to, same look day in and day out, without any joy in it. Makeup is not permanent! It's not like cutting your hair or getting plastic surgery or buying am expensive new outfit. It's a way to change your look instantly, and if you don't like the way it turns out, just remove it.

I know I'm a little bit crazy, a bit too obsessed and even a little bit fanatical... But really, there's a lot of fun to be had in it, and there are much better results to be experienced. Even I get stuck in a rut at times, but if you're willing to branch out, there's a lot of enjoyment to be had in this simple everyday 'chore'.

All that being said, I did end up buying some hand lotion. I wasn't gonna be a total bitch. Even if the makeup sucks, Mary Kay does make some nice lotion. Mary Kay Satin Hands kit... I've been using it for years and I would definitely recommend it.

I have issues.

I started packing this morning, and I decided to start with my bathroom. I packed three boxes full.... Full of only Isle of Eden scrubs.... Yikes...

It gave me this sick idea. I should take everything out and pile it in a big pile and roll around in it take a picture of it.

Maybe I will.

I've come to the stage of my life where I'm buying backups. Yes, it's gotten that bad. I have five full sized Bath and Body Works Red Hot Love Story showergels. Five CO Bigelow Almond Superb Body Cleansers. Now that I learned that MOR was discontinuing Gelato, boy, don't get me started on that one.

One thing I wish I had a backup of is Philip B. Nordic Wood hair and body wash. I won't make a joke about the name. I promise. This stuff is incredible. It's woodsy, snowy, foresty... Is foresty a word? I love the smell of juniper and pine. It's my Viking showergel. I wish I had 500 bottles, but at around $32 for a tiny bottle, I don't see that happening.

I think I previously mentioned that I'm on a LUSH kick right now. It's that time of year again when they start selling Christmas Kisses and that means I have to go crazy and stock up. Now that I have a gigantic bathtub I see myself taking even more baths (is that possible??). They also have this new bubble bar called Green Green Bath of Foam and it's awesome! It smells like trees. I also recommend Candy Cane bubble bar because it's the same as Creamy Candy but cheaper.

When I was packing I found a box of LUSH soaps I forgot I had! I found a Soap Sod, Cereology, Twas The Night, Honey I Washed The Kids, Snowcake, Sandstone, Sea Vegetable, 17 Cherry Tree Lane, Banana Moon (gag) and something I can't quite identify... They don't really smell like anything specific anymore, just a generic LUSH smell.

Blah blah blah lush blah blah.... Ok, maybe I should write something useful.

The Holiday MAC palettes are the best! I like them more than any of the others I have. The metallic one is amazing, the smoky one is just right, the warm one is gorgeous... I haven't used my cool one yet, but it sure looks awesome. I'm so impressed. A small comlaint: They don't stack well, and they don't snap closed right. Maybe the clasp is defective?

My nails are really cool looking right now. It's two coats of OPI Birthday Babe with one coat of Happy Anniversary, with Northern Lights topcoat. Sparkly snow nails!

Love and hate, get it wrong, she cut me right back down to size.

I just mentioned that I have a love/hate relationship with LUSH. I really do. It's bizarre.

I discovered LUSH a couple years ago right before Valentine's day. I ordered a Soft Coeur, Chocolate Whipstick, Honey I Washed The Kids soap and a Rock Star soap. I ordered these items a week in advance hoping to get them in time for Valentine's Day. They didn't ship until after Valentine's Day.
This surprised me, one who is used to ordering from online retailers like mad and receiving my products within the week.

My items finally arrived and I soon discovered that Honey I Washed The Kids and Soft Coeur smelled like rancid vomit. Rock Star smelled like that pink antibiotic that I had to take when I was little. Whipstick was okay, but it was hard and tasted a little bitter.

After this experience, I'm not sure why I ordered again. There's just something about LUSH... It draws you in. The pictures are so appealing, and the hype! Oh, the hype.

Well, I must have liked something about LUSH, because I ordered about five times in February alone.

Okay, that was a nice little story.

So what do I love and hate about LUSH?

I have tried almost every product that you can get through mail order. Some things I can't do without now. I have not taken a non-LUSH bath in ages! I can't even remember the last time I have.

There are some products that I can't do without now. Christmas Kisses bubble bar, my favorite bath item of all time. Candy Fluff dusting powder, which I once hated. Blue Skies and Fluffy White Clouds, even though I swear I hated patchouli. Avobath, which killed my last cell phone. Jungle conditioner, which sucks for hair but smells incredible. They really make some great products.

However, they keep raising the prices and discontinuing things! They say that they are this ethical green company that is just so down-to-earth and whatever. They really love to toot their own horn, in a big way. They lack sufficient packaging! Showergel bottles that shatter every time I order one, shitty black pots that leak like mad, deli paper and thin plastic bags on the rest. I know that the packaging is part of their philosophy, but ew, soap in deli paper. It's not that bad if you only consistently use one product at a time, but there's no way to nicely store the products if you like to rotate.

Every single time I order, my order is messed up in some way. Taking a month to ship, missing items, moldy items (!!!), wrong items, broken items, leaking items that ruin the rest, demolished shipping box, no packing material or way too much packing material, the list goes on. It's like mail order can't get it together. Trained monkeys could do a better job of "picking and packing" mail order packages.

Customer service bites ass too. If they mess up and you end up with a moldy massage bar (like me) or a shattered showergel or five (like me) they want you to MAIL IT BACK TO CANADA AT YOUR EXPENSE before they will resolve your problem. What. The. Fuck. So you're telling me that since you messed up, I have to foot the bill? Not happening.

I wish they would make matching products. Their lotion section is disgustingly lacking in good products. They should have matching scent lines- Rock Star soap and Candy Fluff powder? How about a lotion and perfume to go with that. People would LOVE that! American cream lotion! I would LOVE a Blue Skies product line! Are you listening, LUSH?

They also need fewer crappy, drying soaps and more showergels. The soaps are murder on my skin. All I do with them now is keep them around to sniff.


The bubble bars are truly great products. I have tons of them on hand at all times, my favorites being, of course, Christmas Kisses and Blue Skies, but I also love Creamy Candy, Flosty Gritter and The Comforter. Hell, I really like all of them except Hot Milk, which I think may be discontinued. Bubble bars are small and compact, come in a variety of scents, can be used 2-4 times depending on the size and amount of bubbles you want, and I don't see how these could possibly go bad.

The bombs are meh, whatever. They totally lose scent once in the water, with the exception of Avobath. They are pretty and smell nice, and are good for scenting things (car, underwear drawer, closet...) Just not Youki-Hi. I have never had a bath product trigger my gag reflex as violently as that did. *shudder*

Some of the products I used to hate, I now love, or at least like. Honey I Washed The Kids. Smelled more awful than I could describe. Now, on certain days, I kinda like the smell. Snow Fairy/Candy Fluff/Rock Star. It's still weird, but now I'm addicted and I love it. The Soft Touch. I thought it should have been named the disgusting awful rotten fruit touch, but after letting it sit a few months it almost smells like vanilla and I kinda like it.

I've only been to an actual LUSH store twice. Ew. Picture every single item laid out on display with no covering or packaging, and everyone in the store touching, smelling, manhandling, sneezing on, and basically contaminating everything. They then expect you to buy these faded, scentless, broken, manhandled items at full retail price. While you're busy being grossed out by the stack of sticky, lint-covered, fingerprinted massage bars, the pushy salesperson keeps trying to get you to buy shampoo bars and follows you around with a rancid smelling Godiva. No thanks. I'll pass on that one.

So, if you can deal with all the bullshit surrounding LUSH and the headache that is mail order, they have some products worth trying. Just don't get too attached because if you like something, they will discontinue it immediately.

Shiseido Brightening Skincare line rocks.

Ooh, ouch. Haven't written in a while.

Partially because I've been busy and partially because there's really nothing catching my interest in the beauty world at the moment.

I'm not quite as excited about my We Wish You Wealth palette now that I've used it. Frankly, the colors are boring and the lipglosses are UGLY. There's not one color in there that I can wear. Oh well.

I do have to rave about Shiseido's Brightening skincare line. My skin is now perfect. Don't have to wear foundation perfect. It's just amazing. It really does brighten, and I haven't broken out at all since I've used it (it's been about a month now!)

I have the MAC holiday palettes on the way. Yay!

Still have a love-hate relationship with LUSH. I'll go into that in another entry.

That's about it for now.... The next two weeks are going to be insane!

Tarte We Wish You Wealth Palette

My Tarte We Wish You Wealth palette is here! I don't have a camera with me, unfortunately.

This thing is huge. There's so much stuff.

Pros:
Eyeshadows are much better colors than they appeared online.
Eyeshadows are full size and seem to be good quality.
Tons of products!
Cute metallic purple packaging.

Cons:
Stupid design- the three-way folding thing doesn't work so well. You can actually gouge/scrape the liquid products with the corners of the palette. Did they even test this thing before they decided to make it?
All the glosses and lipsticks seem to be really dark. I understand the cheekstains being dark, but brown lipgloss?
No bright colors. All seem pretty bland, with a little shimmer.

I can't bear to use this thing yet. There's just something painful about touching a brand new product. I think I'll stare at it for a while and use it in the morning.

I also got the Shiseido brightening skincare kit. It comes in a very nice leather bag, but for some reason mine was opened and scotch-taped back together?!?! It looks like it was originally wrapped in plastic. The plastic was removed and the paper band describing the products was taped onto the bag. WTF, Sephora?

It doesn't seem like any of the products inside were used, but with skincare it's hard to tell. Only two products have safety seals and one was broken. Ummm....

I got Laura Mercier Secret Camoflauge in the second lightest shade and it looks way too dark. Arg. I guess I can always exchange it, but that's a pain.

Oh well... Off to drool.

Hmm... These google searches are starting to worry me...

This week people have hit me by searching "filthy manicure" and "filthy blackened feet."

I think I preferred the "whipped ass videos" to this new strange dirt fetish.... Oh, last week someone googled "disgusting eye infection pictures" and hit me... Nice...

Anyway.

My Tarte We Wish You Wealth palette should be here today. I still am not sure why I bought it. None of the colors even look interesting. But... it's huge! It has so much stuff! I hope it doesn't end up to be like Sephora's crappy Blockbuster palette.

Speaking of crap, I have to rant.

Becca Jewel Dusts. Utter CRAP. I can't believe someone would pay $22 for this. Of course, being a sucker for a sale, I bought a bunch for $5.50 when Sephora was clearing them out. I got Erzulie, Mazikeen, Feorin and Titania.

Now, here is why I think they are crap. They turn grey! You can't blend them without losing all of the pigmentation. There's really no shimmer at all. The colors are dull. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with these now. They're useless. If I wanted bland, patchy grey eyeshadow, I would have bought bland, patchy grey eyeshadow.

Don't waste your money, even if they are on clearance.

And in the same vein, Fyrinnae.

I ordered a ton of samples from Fyrinnae. They do powdered mineral type eyeshadows and other products. The colors all look really cool on the website and in the jars. Really, really cool actually, until you apply them.

They're all BLACK. Every color I ordered that wasn't metallic or bright purple goes on black. The metallics are great so far, so no complaints there. I'm sorely disappointed by the quality of these. You get what you pay for, I suppose.

Take Fyre and Ice for example. It looks amazing in the jar! But try to put it on and it's black, sooty, streaky, skanky, messy, matte garbage. It doesn't blend, it doesn't stick and the shimmer totally disappears.

Neo Universe looks like a super-glittery vibrant purple. Try to apply it and it fades to nothing. It doesn't blend, it fades and leaves weird streaks and patches. Same with Incubus, Necromantic, Wicked, et cetera... All the same. I can't even use them as liner.

I tried different bases, different brushes, my fingers, a sponge, patting, swiping, stippling, mixing with different mediums and nothing. Nothing makes these things work.

I think I'm going to make nail polish out of them.

My nails are really, really long right now. I can't decide if I like it or not. I used to keep my nails pretty long, but one would always break. I haven't broken a nail in months... I'm actually kind of happy I can grow them this long without them breaking. I will have to file them down when they become claws.

I'm wearing China Glaze Outta Bounds with Out The Door Northern Lights silver topcoat. It looks like Christmas. I'm addicted to this topcoat.

You know what sickens me?

Dove ads. You know the ones.

You know why?

Dove is owned by the company that also owns Axe.

Go watch an Axe ad.

Dove- they're just as bad as anyone else in the industry, but this time they're making you think they're doing something positive in order to get your money. They're not. They just want your money.

My Fyrinnae stuff arrived the other day... Wow, these are cool!

I can't decide if I'm excited or disappointed. The colors are all extremely awesome in the jars, and the sample sizes are more than generous.

I think I need to work with them a little more. They seem to lose something in application, and they don't seem to mix well with Fix+, Visine or Smashbox shadow converter.

Sadly, I don't think the Chrome is exactly what I've been searching for. It's too blue and grey, and only looks smooth if I use my fingers. I layered some Quebec City over it and it looked nice. Nice but not perfect. I need to try a few more times.

What I've noticed: It works better over Too Faced First Base than it does over Urban Decay Primer Potion. I haven't tried it with MAC Paint yet, cause I'm out of Stillife and didn't order any colors that go with the other paints I have.

It also looks better when you apply it wet, wait for it to dry and then brush over it with a very soft brush. Makes the chunky flaky look go away.

I am wearing Shrouded in Gold and Gilded Wings today and they are fantastic. Perfect texture. The shades are a little darker than I was hoping, but I can deal with that. I'm also wearing one of the color changing inks. I like the color, but the brush is funny and it's really watery. It smudges if you touch it, even hours later. As long as you don't touch it you'll be fine, but I hoped the color-change effect would be more noticable, like the old school Physician's Formula liners.

Oh, and by "may temporarily stain skin" they mean "will seriously stain everything in a 10-mile radius, sucks to be you."

What else was I going to say?

Urban Decay 24/7. Zero is the best black eyeliner I have ever used. Sorry, Engraved, you've been replaced. I've tried Lust and I was not impressed with that shade. It's not purple enough. When you apply it, it looks grey. Electric, however, kicks ass. It is VIBRANT and smooth and absolutely perfect. I'll get back to you when I've used the rest of the shades.

I ordered the Tarte We Wish You Wealth palette. I couldn't resist. I don't even like any of the colors in it, but it's just so COOL! It has so much stuff! Shadows, gloss, cheekstains (love those), liner, their crappy shadow base, lipstains... I'm sure I'll like something out of it. Tarte does seem to be a little hit-or-miss but hopefully this will be hit.

My nails are really cool today. Out The Door Northern Lights Silver topcoat over Misa Blueberry Glaze. It looks like the night sky. It's what I hoped Zoya Indigo would be.

Did Bare Escentuals change the foundations colors? I bought a new Fairly Light and it is a LOT darker than my old jar. I have them next to each other and there is no denying the difference.

I've been trying out a lot of different foundations. I love my Bare Minerals, but the color is weird now! Maybe I got a bad batch. I got a sample of Laura Geller foundation in my last Sephora order and I really, really like it. Fantastic Foundation or something like that? I normally don't like Laura Geller stuff, but this and the Wonder Wand are really worth having.

And, for the record, my face and neck ARE two different colors. Even without foundation. My face is sort of cool-toned and my neck is somewhat yellowish. What am I supposed to do about that? My foundation matches my face but not my neck. Should I put foundation on my neck, or match my face to my neck? It's annoying. Oh, my arms are two different colors, too. I'm a freak.

One more quick thing to mention: Neosporin. It's the best skin treatment ever! Normally I don't let vaseline or anything similar anywhere near my body, but something inspired me to try it and now I'm hooked. It heals any sort of blemish without drying your skin, and it's way faster!

My face will probably fall off from using it, but I'm not going to stop. It's cheap, effective and can be purchased anywhere.

I got my Urban Decay Deluxe palette and the mini 24/7 liners yesterday!

I think I've changed my mind about Urban Decay... I'm really impressed!

The shadows are excellent, the colors are great, and those 24/7 liners really mean business.

The liners are pretty big, maybe 2/3 of a full size. They stay put like nobody's business. I put Zero on my waterline this morning, and I just removed it. It's 9:37 pm. How's that for staying power, on the waterline no less?

I highly recommend both.

Not that I'm turning my back on MAC... They just haven't come out with anything really cool lately.

You know who has the *best* makeup?

Rihanna. Am I spelling that right?

I'm not sure what she does professionally... I think she's a singer? I don't think she's an actress. I really only see pictures of her.

Not only is she gorgeous, but she's not afraid of COLOR. That makes me so happy. No bland, boring neutral smoky eye. I saw a picture of her in a smoky eye done right- with a splash of blue.

She's gotta be a MAC girl. She looks awesome.

You know who has the *worst* makeup?

There are tons, but right now, I'd say Carmen Electra.

I thought her makeup used to be kinda hot, what with the whole Pam Anderson thing going on...

But have you SEEN those Max Factor ads? They're so bad, I just don't know what to say. It looks like Carmen fell asleep while babysitting, and the child decided to use mommy's makeup on her. Actually, I think a five-year-old could do better than the makeup artist for those ads.

I'm sure even my ass could do better.

They must be paying her a hell of a lot for her to agree to those things. Like easter-egg coloring gone wrong.

It's not sexy, it's not edgy, hell, it's not even pretty. In fact, I'd say it's downright hideous. It's not even the colors themselves that are so bad. It's the presentation- they can't decide if they're trying to be artistic or glamorous. It doesn't make me want to buy Max Factor, it makes me want to point and laugh.

I would say Christina Aguilera has had some pretty nice makeup if she wasn't so damn orange. Lay off the fake tan, already. JUST BE PALE. IT'S OKAY!!! YOU ARE ORANGE AND YOU LOOK ABSURD.

I was watching LA Ink (I think that's the right one?) the other night and I got all excited when Kat was doing her makeup and IT WAS ALL MAC! I was like, "LOOK! LOOK AT ALL THE MAC!! THAT'S SO AWESOME!!"

She has pretty awesome makeup, too.

I'm such a dork.

Well, here's my eye from Saturday. I couldn't get the glitter to capture on film... How do you photograph glitter? I can't figure it out.



It was bright orange and purple with tons of glitter. It looks a little dull without the sparkle. I guess I will just have to practice my camera skills. I'm a n00b.

Wanna see something cool?





Not enough polish for you?

Here's another hundred...




And here's my eye for the day:




MAC Shroom, Sprout, Humid, Deep Truth, Woodwinked. Laura Geller Wonder Wand. Urban Decay Honey liner, with MAC Engraved underneath. Almost the same as yesterday, but with green this time.

This whole taking pictures thing is kinda fun, actually.

*gasp*

I have pictures!

I just so happen to have a camera with me today...

Too bad it's not an exciting makeup day.

Here's my eye for the day. It's from the MAC 2005 Ornamentalism warm palette. Rich Ground fluidline as liner and Laura Geller Magic Wand to highlight. Bland, yes, I know, but it's the first time I've used Cranberry.





And the nails. Zoya Roxy. It's very luminous and hard to capture on camera.

Natural light:



Flash:



Bottle, natural light:




So... while I have a camera in my hands... What should I photograph? I have no idea.

Wow. Just... wow.

Someone sent me this link and I'm not even sure what to say. I just want to wring this nutjob's neck...

http://unclutterer.com/archives/2007/07/freeup_space_in_your_bathroom.php

I am speechless. I can't decide if I'm angry or sad, or what's worse- the poster or the commenters.

Even if I wasn't the crazy, makeup-obsessed person that I am, I'd still find that advice and attitude appalling.

We don't care about ourselves... Makeup is unnecessary because I'm married... Who needs more than one eyeshadow? I don't care how I look or smell.

Makeup isn't clutter. Ever. It might be unorganized at times, but seriously, clutter???

She must look like an ogre... MAKEUP BAD! NAIL POLISH CLUTTER! MUST HAVE EMPTY HOUSE!!! GRRRRRR!!!

Regarding the "new" Sephora fall catalogue that just arrived in my mailbox...

What the crap, Sephora?! This is pretty much identical to the last catalogue! Why did you even bother to print and mail this piece of crap?!

Seriously, this is getting to me. I look forward to getting the new Sephora catalogue and now I'm sorely disappointed.

There's nothing even new or interesting in it. Sad.

I did just see the new Urban Decay palette online and I'm SO getting that once it's in stock. It's nine of the new Deluxe shadows, plus a mini Primer Potion. I have to have the mini 24/7 liner set too. I have a gift card burning a hole in my pocket...

The Sephora holiday catalogue better be good. Grr.

I really love makeup. Seriously. It just brightens my day. Doesn't that sound cheesy? I know it does.

I should have some sort of career in makeup. I've thought about it.

I don't know if I could be a makeup artist, cause the idea of touching a bunch of strangers makes me cringe... I tried the work at the makeup counter thing, I just couldn't tell all those lies to make a sale... I could do nails, but I don't have a license and some people have really gross hands...

Maybe something will come up.

Maybe I would invent the perfect silver eyeshadow.

I've been on the quest to find the perfect silver for a long time. They're either too grey or too sheer. I usually have to layer a bunch of things to get the color I want, and even then it's not perfect.

MAC has let me down... They don't have the perfect silver. They always have the perfect everything!

I stumbled across this brand called Fyrinnae and they have silver and chrome. I ordered a few samples, so we'll see. Maybe I'll find "the one".

I'm trying to do the silver smoky eye today. Urban Decay Uzi with the silver from last year's MAC Formal Black palette (can't remember the name.), Softwash Grey pigment, Frost pigment, Black Tied and Make Up For Ever Diamond Powder. It's nice, sure, but it's not SILVER. I want metallic sparkly goodness! This is just kinda metallic glittery grey.

I should really take some pictures. Blogs are boring without pictures.

I finally got Boudoir. Smells kinda funky, but the bottle is beautiful.

I have noticed that when I post, I use the letter "I" entirely too much. I usually begin my sentences with I and I also talk about myself a lot. Today is talk like a pirate day. Aye.

I'm disappointed with OPI at the moment. I think they changed the formula of their polishes and now they're all thick and goopy and take longer to dry. I'm wearing Suzi Loves Sydney and it's just not the same!

They also seem to have switched entirely to the pro wide brush. At first I loved it, but now I think it's too wide. I miss the old formula and the skinny brushes. Maybe I should write them a letter.

I'm getting excited for holiday collections. Let's hope I have the cash to drop by then!

Did anyone else notice that the L.A.M.B fragrance smells exactly like Benefit's Maybe Baby?

Not that I was expecting anything more from a celebrity fragrance, but, coming from Gwen it should have been at least interesting.

Death to the fruity floral! You need to die now!!!

Can I just say how excited I am for MAC holiday this year?

I am very excited. There, I said it.

I love MAC palettes, and the holiday ones are my favorite. I just hope it's new colors.

Another thing I have to (quickly) rave about are the new Urban Decay liquid liners. The colors are awesome and they dry fairly quickly. They're shiny and metallic when they dry! The brushes are a little weird, and I can't see the new style "inkwell" container working very well, but so far, so good.

I got Gash, Radium, Honey and Revolver and I'll probably pick up a few more.

Thanks, Urban Decay, I am impressed.

Also, if you like the idea of Urban Decay shadows (glitter to the extreme!) but hate the mess (even I can't completely avoid it) try Make Up For Ever Diamond Powder. It's now number one on my list of favorite makeup items ever. It's an extremely fine shimmer/glitter/mother of pearl type substance. It sticks without any extra help and it doesn't get all over the place. The sparkle from it is incredible, and it doesn't look like glitter. The particles are so fine you can't see them individially, but they sparkle like... diamonds?

Anyway, they are extremely awesome and when I have more time to talk about them I will....

I believe I have mentioned many times that I am hairstyling-impaired. I think I also mentioned that I cut off all my hair.

I usually use a flat iron every day. My hair can get pretty wavy if I let it air-dry, and I haven't been blowdrying my hair cause it's too damn hot outside.

Onto the haircut part. Last year I bleached the living daylights out of my hair. Yes, I, Scrangie, was platinum blonde and I loved it. I loved everything about it except the roots every two weeks. After a while I just got incredibly sick of the maintenance and dyed it back to normal. It looked nice and shiny when it was blonde. When I colored it, the ends looked awful and when my color faded I was left with tricolor hair. Dark roots, okay lengths, weird dirty blonde ends.

The other day I just got fed up, went into the salon and said... GET RID OF THIS!!! FIX IT, PLEASE!!!

The next thing I knew, almost all my hair was lying in a pathetic, fried-looking pile on the floor and when I looked in the mirror I didn't recognize myself. I've always had long hair... Now my longest layer just touches my shoulder. Shortest layer comes to the top of my ears.

Really, I think I'm going somewhere with this story. Bear with me.

The world of hairstyles has just opened up to me. The volume I can get is incredible, and no more fried ends. Now my hair actually looks good instead of okay.

So, turning over a new leaf in my hair life, I decided to ditch the cheap tools I've been using and get a Solia flat iron and hairdryer. My old flat iron was way too wide for these short layers, and the hairdryer sucked to begin with.

HOLY CRAP. What a difference!! This hairdryer, a Solia 1875w Ionic, dries my hair in less than a minute, is very quiet and dries it smooth, not ruffled. I'm not kidding when I say less than a minute. I turn my head upside down, aim for a couple seconds and my hair is completely dry. No sweat.

The flat iron, I dediced to get the 1.25" because the 1" seemed kinda small. This baby heats up to full temp in seconds, doesn't lose heat, slides like butter through my hair and only takes one pass to completely iron out the bumps. I don't have really curly hair, but it does get kinda denty. No burning smell, either. I can actually use it like a curling iron, too.

Why did I ever waste my money on cheap heat tools?! These are so much better there's just no comparison. I can do my hair in two minutes and actually make it look good.

Here's what I've been doing. I've been using a "product cocktail" of sorts. When my hair is wet I use a straightener and a hydrating balm, like TiGi Control Freak and Jonathan Create Weightless Smooth, or Redken 5 and Fekkai Glossing cream. If I want a ton of volume I'll use a tiny bit of mousse. Then I turn my head upside down, blow dry and then add a tiny bit of shine serum. Take the flat iron, straighten any bumps and add a little TiGi Cocky or Nick Chavez amazonian stuff.

Boom, awesome hair in two minutes. I'm giddy.

This is so exciting.

.....aaaaaaannnd.... Sheet marks.

Commence the tantrum.

I went to Sephora today. Infuriating.

I love shopping online at Sephora, but I hate hate HATE shopping in the stores. The salespeople usually have no idea what they are talking about... They stalk you, and they are stingy bastards when it comes to samples. I never, ever get samples when shopping in a Sephora. Okay, I lied, one time the lady in front of me bought $600 worth of stuff and they gave her a bag full of samples and she accidentally dropped some on the floor and I took them. I guess that counts.

Hear that, Sephora? I HATE YOUR STORES AND YOUR SALESPEOPLE! Your website is awesome, though!

For some reason I walked out of there with a pair of snakeskin tweezers and a Makeup For Ever Diamond Powder #2.

I even gave them my Beauty Insider card and NOTHING!!! No samples at all! All they did was try to push that fucking ugly LORAC Beauty Insider palette on me. Jerks. Have you not learned that when you give me samples of things, I end up coming back and buying the full sizes?!

I was so mad after I left, I almost walked back in and returned everything. Why would I shop in the store when I could order online with free shipping, three samples plus my beauty insider samples and whatever promo code was available... AND not have to deal with the broken/missing/disgusting testers, out of stock everything, obnoxious salespeople and the crowds? Maybe I am overreacting, but I feel pissed.

In other news, while I was there I smelled Midnight Poison. Booooring. Smells like, hm, everything else. Kind of like Addict, with a little Poison, maybe some Dune... Lame. I like the bottle. Would look nice in my collection.

Also smelled Agent Provocateur Maitresse. Once again, cute bottle but totally boring scent. Smelled like soap after about 10 minutes. Let me say it again: Lame. Still would look nice in my collection. But lame.

I've mentioned before how much I hate Creative polishes because they never dry. Well, that's my problem now. I have a few that I really like, but. They. Never. Dry. Ever. I've tried Poshe, Seche Vite, OPI drops, Qtica drops, that weird spray... But still, 24+ hours later I could still scrape the polish off because it's still damp.

WHAT DO I DO WITH THESE?!?! How do I make them dry?

I just did a test manicure and so far it seems kinda dry, but still denty. One coat of Nailtek II Foundation, let dry. Two thin coats of Creative Spike, I let the first coat dry. Waited a few minutes and used Seche Vite. Added Qtica drops. It's been about two hours and while they are dry to the touch, I keep getting dents and marks from random things.

If I wake up with sheet marks in the morning, I think I am going to cry.

I just bought a huge and very, very expensive thing in which to store all of my beauty products...

That being said, I may not have a whole lot of new things to write about, so maybe I'll write about the things I already have.

I'm not very good at doing reviews. I can tell you if I think it sucks, and I can tell you if I think it's awesome, but other than that I'm not the best at describing things.

So, today I cut off all my hair and got glasses.

I am hair retarded. She made it look so easy... Now I'm not so sure what to do with it. I have all of the things she used, and I can sort of do the same things she did, but for some reason it doesn't look the same. It looks lopsided.

Damn it all, anyway. Who needs hair.

At least my nails look really nice. Not nice. Exquisite.

I'm currently wearing OPI Midnight in Moscow, which is nice but not really WOW. I need things to be WOW. I have a hard time settling for cool.

Speaking of cool, LANCOME LE MAGNETIQUE. OMFG. I should have taken pictures, and I will eventually, when I can find my camera. This stuff is awesome. I got so many compliments and "How did you do that, that's so cool!" comments. It is seriously cool. The weird thing about it is the second day the star looks a little less sharp, and the third day it's downright blurry. I wonder what causes that.

I'm mad that K wouldn't let me paint her nails. I bought her a whole bunch of nail stuff, cause I felt bad that she has crappy nails (her fault, she bites them, gets acrylics at a vietnamese chop shop and then chews them off). It doesn't seem like she appreciated the gesture. I shouldn't buy gifts for people. They never appreciate them. I bought her expensive things, too! Jerk.

On the upside, since she insisted on painting her own nails, they now look like crap. Less competition. Ha. Take that.

I really have nothing interesting to say right now.

I gotta say, red nail polish is really, really boring.

Every now and then I'll be in the mood for red nails, I'll wear one of my favorites and then spend the rest of the day embarassed by my cliche and borderline slutty red nails.

I just feel really stupid when I wear over-used mainstream things. For example, red or french nails, Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue, neutral eyeshadow or anything with a Dior logo.

Guess those would be my guilty pleasures, right? Things that I still sort of like but am to embarassed to admit.

Where was I? Red polish?

My favorite reds: OPI You Make Me Vroom, OPI Friar, Friar Pants on Fire, OPI Music Hall Curtain Call, OPI Malaga Wine, China Glaze Ruby Pumps.

I think I have a new favorite color now. I just kinda stumbled across it in an unlikely place (Sally Beauty Supply!) and I knew right then and there that it was made for me.

Finger Paints Harvest Harmony.

I should have taken a picture! It's gorgeous! I actually just removed it because it had been on for almost a week and I have to compulsively change colors three times a week. It's a deep, shimmery almost burgundy color, with gold and brown and red. It looks like fall.

I had a bunch of unused Zoya lacquers glaring at me from my dresser, so off with the Harvest Harmony. Now I'm wearing Zoya Indigo, which looks really cool in the bottle but slightly less cool on my nails. It's a dark, dark blue with tiny little multicolored glitter flecks. On my nails it's almost black and the little bitty glitter flecks are only visible in bright light and only if you're three inches away.

But, oh, what wonderful timing. Just as I had finished my Indigo manicure, my package with the Lancome Le Magnetique gets delivered. CRAP!!

Le Magnetique is this really bitchin polish with a little magnet that makes a star pattern on your nails. Gimmicky, yes, but oh-so-freaking cool. I can't wait to try it. It's gonna be the best thing ever!!!

So, Zoya. First time I've mentioned them here as I've just discovered them. I ran across an ad and thought they looked interesting. I bought the Downtown collection, which looks awesome, and a couple random ones- Trixie, Pru, Yasmeen and Ki, and they threw in some free remover and Qtica drying drops. Sweet!

Like I said, I'm wearing Indigo and so far I like Zoya. I like the shape of the bottle and the colors are all pretty unique. The formula is kinda thick and gooey and the brush in my Indigo looks really cheap. The bristles are uneven and there's a few long ones. It did only take one coat to get perfect color, but I used two anyway. With Seche and those Qutica drops it dried lightning fast. Nice.

Oh yeah, OPI Russian collection is pretty cool too. That's what the red reminded me of. Excuse the ADD blogging. OPI Russian collection has a bunch of those boring reds. It also has some nice dark ones, which I have yet to wear but are also glaring at me from the dresser. I couldn't pass up a polish called, "Suzi says Da!"

People, are you all fucking retarded?!

Yes, when you spray perfume, of course it smells like alcohol!

But, being in the very nature of alcohol, it evaporates. EVAPORATES. Yes, that means it goes away.


The next time I'm shopping and see someone spritz a perfume on their wrist, sniff immediately and say "ew, this smells like alcohol!" and wipe it off, I swear, I'm going to stab someone in the eye with my nail file.

The China Glaze X collection looked so promising.

I got I and VIII. In the bottle VIII looks like blackened violet. It's beautiful.

On the nails it's a different story. While it only took one coat to get perfectly opaque color, it just looked black. And the formula is weird. It's runny and gooey at the same time and it's nearly impossible to get a thin, even coat. You think you only have a little on the brush, but then all of a sudden this big blob drips off the brush, seemingly out of nowhere.

I don't have the patience for that kind of crap. I gave up and used Orly (YARLY) Moondoggie instead. Much better application. I forgot what a cool color Moondoggie is. I'll have to take some pictures.

I'm willing to give VIII another try when I have more time and energy.

On the subject of a perfect manicure...

Lately I can not bring myself to get a salon manicure of pedicure. This is for two reasons.
Reason one is that I actually do a much better job myself. My last salon mani/pedi was abysmally disappointing. I don't know why I even paid them.

The second reason is paranoia. Let's face it. Hands and feet are filthy. Therefore, tools used on hands and feet are also filthy. The last few times I went to a salon (all different salons, mind you) they used tools out of a little caddy, which I assumed were sterilized. Oh boy. When I saw them use the tools they just used on me on the next person in line I nearly pissed myself.

Don't be fooled by the autoclave that is so prominently displayed in the salon. They don't use it! They didn't so much as rinse those tools they just used on you. Sure, they have an autoclave, and a sink, and alcohol and various disinfectants (or jars of colored water)... That doesn't mean they use them.

Another reason that I hate going to a salon for a mani/pedi is...

"Wan fren? Fren? Get foo se fren nail, kreeleek."

You have any idea what that says? Neither do I. That's actually a question I was asked and I had no idea how to respond. Apparently, she was asking me if I wanted a french manicure, and suggesting that I get a full set of acrylics.

When I politely declined, she started talking to the lady at the station next to her in another language. That's secret code for: Stupid white girl, she'll never know we're talking about her!

I've learned better. I do my own nails. They look better, I don't have to make small talk or tip or try to understand what the hell the tech is saying, and I know my tools are clean and used only by me.

My can't-live-without nail products:
Cuticles:
Creative Solar Oil: Your nails can't look their best if your cuticles look like hell. Plus, it smells like almond.
Creative Cuticle Eraser: Give it a week of regular use and you won't recognize your cuticles.
Creative Cuticle Remover: Use before every manicure with a metal cuticle pusher. Careful, this stuff is potent.
Stainless Steel Cuticle Pusher: Gentle and does an excellent job.

Base coat:
OPI Nail Envy Sensitive and Peeling: Best base coat ever. Dries instantly, prevents staining and wear and strengthens nails.

Top Coat:
Seche Vite and Poshe: I don't know what I would do without these. Seche dries faster, but Poshe is shinier. Dries your manicure completely in 10 minutes.

Acetone nail polish remover and large cotton balls.

Add in a crystal file and a 3-way nail buffer and there you have it. My nail essentials. I haven't felt the urge to get a "professional" manicure in ages. Think of all the money you would save if you didn't go to the salon every week.

A small tip: Creative cuticle products are great, but the polish is awful. It takes two days to dry. Literally. Even with Seche and OPI Drip Dry. It's just terrible stuff. Unless, of course, you like smudgy dented bubbly nail polish.

I've been hearing a lot about this "Louboutin Manicure" or "Lubu Manicure" for a while now. I saw a picture in a magazine (can't remember which but I think it was Allure) and apparently it's a black nail with red underneath, like Louboutin shoes. I think it's really cool... I used to do my nails like that in Jr. High.

Hm. Interesting. The same people who ridiculed me for being "goth" are now the ones wearing black and red nails. Double standard much?

Right now I'm enjoying an immaculate Espresso Your Style manicure. It's dark, it's deep, it's very fall. I'm craving fall things. I'm decorating myself to reflect that by wearing the colors of fall foliage, and I smell like burning leaves and hot chocolate.

See, I complain about the picture of Kelly Rowland and now look what they do... They make it BIGGER!

Damn dead transsexual hooker banner is ruining my blogging experience! (No offense to living transsexual hookers. We cool.)


Since there's nothing particularly attention-grabbing in the cosmetics world at the moment, I'll keep yapping about perfume.

I feel like filling out a big, long survey but I can't come up with the questions myself. I'll have to yoink one from someone. I'm in a list-making form-filling survey-taking kind of mood.

I think I'm getting over my amber phase. I'm not going to stop liking amber or anything, but my experience with Ambre Sultan the other day kinda put me off of it for a while.

Normally I love Ambre Sultan. Wearing it in 90 degree weather was probably not such a good idea. Wearing it in 90 degree weather makes it give off the distinct odor of caged animals. Elephants, maybe. Or horses. Sexy.

Still, I'm not going to follow the "It's summer, you must wear light fruity floral scents or magically disappearing citrus scents!" trend. I'll admit, I've been wearing my Un Jardin Sur le Nil more than usual, and I considered wearing Light Blue today, but where's the fun in that?

Okay, how about a list. Since I'm not very creative, how about a top ten list. Current favorite fragrances.

1. Organza Indecence
2. 10 Corso Como
3. Loukhoum
   
4. Chergui
   
5. Black Cashmere
6. Neiges
7. MV3
8. Patchouli 24
   
9. Chrysanthemum Moon
10. Vanille Extreme

I'd think that a lot of people would consider those totally inappropriate for summer... You know what I say?

Well, of course you know what I say.

I think that list is, while somewhat boring, quite indicitave of the types of perfumes I tend to gravitate toward and love.

I try to appreciate the florals, I really do... I just can't. While I can respect the florals, I really can not love them. Or even like them. I can handle violets. That's about it.

Now Patchouli 24, there's a masterpiece. I had written it off as "ew patchouli" without even trying it. That was a mistake. Maybe you can't judge a perfume by its cover?

It's the most perfect burning leaves and leather scent. It's a bit strong (just a bit?!) and I'm having a hard time figuring out where the patchouli is. It's smoky and rich and sweet and bitter all at the same time. It's right up there with CB Burning Leaves. Beautiful.

I'm trying to decide what the point of this entry is. Is there a moral to this story? The moral is: I'm bored and no one else will listen to me babble about perfume.

While I am trying to learn to love the classic Guerlain Vol de Nuit, I can't help but think it would be really cool if they released a fragrance called Vol de Mort.

It could come in a bottle like an Anna Sui, except it wouldn't have a nose.

Can you tell I've been drinking?

As much as I like reading Allure for the pretty pictures, I'll have to disagree with their self-proclaimed title of "The Beauty Expert."

Some of the "advice" I read in there is just laughably absurd. For example, in this month's issue, it says not to wash off your mascara or eyeliner to give a sexy, dirty look.

Um, ew. WTF?

Yes, that filthy tramp look is so sexy right now. So are eye infections and mascara-stained pillowcases.

I also think it's an absolute shame that they put a blonde wig on Liv Tyler. They couldn't handle a completely real, stunningly beautiful, pale, haunting brunette. They had to cover her in bronzer and put her in a blonde wig and a bikini. Go conformity! Totally disgusting. Is that the message they're trying to send to readers?

Another thing that bothers me is Linda Wells. In every letter from the editor she writes, she always seems to belittle and insult some group of the population in an underhanded way. Drives me up the wall. So snobby.

I don't hate Allure. On the contrary, I actually prefer it over 99% of the magazines out there. I've won a few of their contests. I like the pictures. Most of the articles are fluff, or meant for the beauty-retarded but every now and then there will be a good one. There was an article with Karl Bradl about choosing fragrance as gifts not too long ago.

What I do really appreciate about Allure is the (almost) absent sex advice. It seems like every other magazine out there has the message of, "If you're not banging random bar guys every night, then you aren't a beautiful modern woman. Buy this makeup and these clothes and every guy will want to do you and then you'll be part of humanity. If you're in a monogamous relationship then you're an ugly, prudish freak of nature and a closed-minded bigot."

I don't want to get into the politics of it all, but I applaud Allure for not advertising the "Women are worthless without a man" message that all other magazines seem to push on everyone. I just wish they were more broad in their definition of beauty (tan, blue-eyed blonde waifs).

Aaaaaaanyway....

That picture of Kelly Rowland (whoever the hell that is...) on the Xanga homepage is terrifying. I can't tell if she's a mannequin, a corpse or a dead drag queen. That makeup is atrocious and the photoshopping is so blatantly obvious, it's making me laugh. Maybe she swallowed a uranium rod (insert Beavis laugh here) and the eerie glow is a side effect of the radiation.

You know what annoys me?

Beauty blogs that read like a commercial.

Seriously.

I recently discovered that there are lots of beauty blogs out there. There are a handful of (apparently) really popular ones, but every time I read them I feel like I wasted my time.

There's just nothing personal or real about them. It's like they copy the spiel from the back of the package of x product and paste it into a blog entry, and then link to somewhere you can buy it, all the while flashing twenty-seven different ads at me on the sidebar.

I'll be the first to admit that I do my fair share of (voluntary!) advertising, but never the weird infomercial like garbage I read on those blogs. What's the point, people? If I wanted to hear that boring drivel, I'd just read the product description on Sephora.com.

That being said, I'm just the kind of person who likes to complain and everything seems to annoy me. It gives me something to talk about. Bad habit, I suppose.

Now for something that's not a rant...

I have somehow amassed an absurd quantity of fragrance samples. To tell you the truth, I have never used about 99% of them, and the ones I have used are scents that I already own.

Not wanting to be wasteful, I decided that I'd start using them. I decided on Prada EDP. I had tried it right when it came out and completely dismissed it without giving it a fair chance to develop. I opened it, sniffed it, spilled some on myself, thought, "Ew, this smells like Angel" and washed it off.

Today I am floating around in a heavenly (Angel-free) Prada cloud. I'm really loving this, and I'm not sure why I hated it so much originally. You can't really go wrong with amber-patchouli-vanilla-musk, even though it does smell a little like hippie. No, it's not really very unique, but it does smell very good.

Yes, I'm the crazy perfume lady today. I bet I stunk up the whole office. It just smelled so good, I had to keep smelling it. It is very strong, but it fades fairly quickly. Honestly, I'd buy a bottle. I have about seven of these sample vials, so I doubt I'll need a bottle.... But, just sayin.

And I'm finally getting Chergui.

You better hope you never get stuck in an elevator with me.

Do you know what happens when I don't buy anything for a long time?

I buy ten bottles of perfume.

Not kidding. I did. And I'm about to buy two more.

I really like perfume. A lot. I like to look at the bottles, arrange everything just right, pick them up, smell them, watch the light filter through the different colored liquids and glint off the polished metal and glass.

I wrote a big long rambling entry about perfume, but I decided it was kind of pointless, so I deleted it.

I'm sure someone out there is curious about MAC C-Shock, so I'll comment quickly on that.

Love it. I didn't get everything I planned. Some of it was just so similar to stuff that I already have, it felt redundant. The greens and yellows are some of the most vibrant MAC has released and I highly recommend them. The orange one is a lighter but richer version of D'Bohemia. Nice, but not totally unique. Say Yeah is better. If you have Teal pigment, you don't need Big T. Teal is nicer.

Didn't get any lip stuff this time. I was going to get Blast O Blue, and I still might, but I don't see myself wearing it. But, then again...

I'm becoming a hair product junkie. I'm currently adoring Jonathan Product. I bought just about everything and there isn't one thing I don't like. Silky Dirt smells incredible. The shampoos don't feel like they clean very well, but my hair really does look, feel and smell great.

My hair is terrible. It's still recovering from the bleach-fest. The regrowth looks very healthy, but my hair is three different colors and fried at the ends. I've been cutting it myself, little by little. I'll admit, I'm hairstyle impaired. I can put it up, wear it down, or half-and-half. That's about it. Wash, blowdry, flatiron and I'm out the door. Takes about ten minutes. Not exactly high maintenance.

So I'm compensating by using nicer products. As long as it's soft as silk and shiny as glass, that's all that matters, right?

Other favorites at the moment (I really do have about 16 bottles of shampoo and conditioner in my shower...)
are the Oscar Blandi Jasmine line and Frederic Fekkai Glossing. SHINY GOOD. DRY BAD.

I really, really want Boudoir by Vivienne Westwood, but I can't figure out where to get it. Everyone that sells it is out of stock. I have to have that bottle. It's so cool looking.

I really want Panthere de Cartier, too. Maybe I'll only buy fragrances in cool bottles from now on. I want one of those mirrored silver trays like my great grandma had. It had lots and lots of bottles of perfume. It was on the dresser in front of the mirror and it was positively mesmerizing. As a child it was the first thing I'd go look at when I went to her house, and I'd sit there staring at it forever.

The hard part is deciding which bottles to display. I'm thinking... Le Baiser du Dragon, Miss Dior Cherie, L de Lolita Lempicka, Midnight Charm, Aqua Allegoria Mentafolia, Mitsouko, Magical Moon and Butterfly... Habanita? Cashmere Mist? Should I hide the flashy ones and only display the "proper" classic ones? No.5 or Un Bois Vanille? Do I only display the freaky ones, Alien or Luctor et Emergo?

Decisions, decisions.

One quick thing to say:

The epilator has changed my life.

WHY have I never used one until now?! It's quite possibly man's greatest creation.

Yes, it hurts like multiple bitches, but I've finally been able to achieve that fabled state of creepy plastic perfect hairlessness.

No stubble, either. The hair just grows back lighter and lighter every time. And it takes forever to grow back... I haven't had to touch up some areas that I epilated in APRIL.

Epilator. Get one. I recommend the Emjoi Intimate. Yes, it looks and sounds like an adult toy, but it's small, takes two AA batteries and really gets the job done.

I need to finish tagging my entries, too.

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Lindsay Lohan Still Plans on Having 21st Birthday Bas

Although in rehab, Lindsay Lohan still plans on celebrating her 21st birthday at Pure in Las Vegas on July 2.

Svedka Vodka may even still sponsor the bash.

Lindsay’s New York-based lawyer friend Mike Heller, exclusively tells BWE.tv,

“There is a birthday party scheduled that she is contracted to do at Pure. It’s scheduled for July 2. That hasn’t changed. Nothing has been canceled as of now.”

In fact, the deal for Lindsay’s party was inked last December, Heller says.

Heller feels that Lindsay should be able to celebrate her birthday at a nightclub, even though she will just be leaving rehab.

“Just because you’re sober doesn’t mean you can’t go out and have fun. Part of sobriety is that you can go out into normal society and just go out. Who says you can’t move your boot on the dance floor?”

Paris Hilton to Jail While Nicole Richie Skates

Nicole Richie not only has the same DUI charge against her as Paris Hilton, she also is a repeat offender.

Yet Nicole still has a valid license and is driving the street of Hollywood having fender benders. According to TMZ, officials have no idea why the two cases are varying so much.


From TMZ:

"Paris was busted September 7, 2006 -- and around 5 months later, she had already lost her driving privileges and was later arrested for violating her probation for driving on the suspended license. Richie was busted for DUI on December 11, 2006 -- and almost 6 months later, she is not only still driving ... but the California DMV hasn't even begun to take action against her.

TMZ spoke with Deputy District Attorney Ed Greene, a prosecutor assigned to Nicole's DUI case, who admitted, "I am a little surprised too." However, Greene pointed out that until Richie is actually convicted of DUI, the decision to revoke or suspend her license is up to the folks at the California DMV. Greene added, "They generally do it quicker than this."

We contacted the California DMV to try and get some answers, and the rep said: "I have no idea why Nicole still has her license.'"

TGIF Quickies...

Paris Hilton plans on looking her best when she struts her ass into the jail house Monday. She has a hair and makeup team meeting her at her Hollywood Hills home at 9 a.m. Monday.. She may have been putting on her best church girl look for the media but behind closed doors you know the bitch is still getting her party on. Paris' friends reportedly threw a 'going away' party for her a couple nights ago.. Meanwhile, while she serves her sentence she'll temporarily disappear from advertisements for a South Korean sportswear firm.. Britney Spears is just glad they aren't friends anymore...

Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo may just rebound into each other's beds. After Tony Romo supposedly told Carrie Underwood that they needed a break, rumors are flying that he and Simpson may be up to no good..

A doctor has found nodules in Courtney Love's throat and has ordered her to quit smoking. Love says she thinks she will get fat again after she quits the habit..

A-Rod and Wife Spotted in Boston Yesterday

I'm surprised she is holding his hand and not leading him by his ballsack!


Read about it here

Star Magazine Alters Photograph of Jennifer Aniston for Cover Story

Star Magazine recently published this cover of Jennifer Aniston.


The cover story is about Jen possibly having a $5M deal on a tell-all about her years with Brad Pitt. Jennifer's publicist has denied the story, saying the allegations are just not true.

Which is probably the case being as the photo Star used for their cover was altered to suggest she was carrying a manuscript. And you know, it's Star Magazine.

Now Radar Online has uncovered the photos of Jennifer Aniston before they were doctored. Read for yourself..

"Seeing is believing, as Star magazine knows. That's why it illustrated its cover story about "Jen's $5 Million Tell-All!" with a shot of Jennifer Aniston carrying what is plainly the manuscript she's allegedly shopping around to publishers about her days with Brad Pitt.

But hang on—maybe Jen's not really writing a book? In which case, maybe Star's cover actually shows something else—say, Aniston attending an auction, holding an art catalog from Los Angeles Modern Auctions? And maybe Star simply airbrushed out the cover of the catalog, along with a pair of sunglasses she was holding, for good measure?

Yeah, that sounds more plausible. Especially coming from the company that brought you Andy Roddick's digitally enhanced pythons.

Asked about the manipulation, an AMI spokesperson said, "Every magazine in this category chooses cover photos that best describe the story."


Original photo:

Blind Item From 'Young, Black & Fabulous'

Natasha at YBF sent me this yummy morsel about a one of Hip Hop's hottest couples.

"My sources are telling me some good ish these days. And I definitely wouldn't be surprised if this tidbit had some truth to it. Word has it a certain songstress has been put on blast and her current beau has chunked the deuce to their somewhat public relationship. And when they are seen together..it looks like nothing but love. They've been kickin' it a couple years and hit up events together every now and then...mainly throwing surprise parties for each other...and rumors spread weekly about their impending nuptials happening in Nevurary. I told y'all a while back the songbird never really ended things with her married ex-boss but supposedly they are still kickin' it on the low. Boss man never liked the homerun loving current beau and there has been constant friction for years.

But now...the current beau has allegedly been slapped in the face with some foolish proof that his main chick and her boss are still an item. After he's been telling everybody an engagement is in the very near future. So after he picked up his face, he ended the relationship very recently. Apparently all pics of his ex-main chick have been removed from his myspace page and word has it he's even trying to get back with his previous ex. Breakups to makeups...gotta love it. Same girl, same story, different day."

Love it? Vote for YBF in the 'Same Girl' Contest! (Link below)

Be sure to vote for YBF in the R. Kelly "Same Girl" contest RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW for having the best "Same Girl" stories this week.

Four More Days!

Click on the pic to check out more from Gallery of the Absurd!

Celebrity Quote of the Day - Nicky Hilton

"I think she should definitely be punished, but going to jail for a traffic violation is pretty absurd."

-Nicky Hilton regarding her sister, Paris Hilton's, jail sentence

Chris Sligh and Gossip Blog 'ONTD' Don't Like Each Other

There's a spat going on over at the gossip blog ONTD, and American Idol's Chris Sligh is the focal point.

As the story goes, Chris was 'bragging' to people online about how many hits his blog gets and so someone over at ONTD commented by saying that it's probably ONTD sending the traffic by mocking him.

Well, Chris didn't take that so well and responded with this on TWOP..

"Well, thanks for the hits, Mandee. Though I do have to point out that most days there isn't a Chris Sligh post, so I doubt that's absolutely true. I check it daily, believe me, I know. Also, I can tell where traffic is coming from, and though there are a few hits per day, the majority of hits do not come from that. Granted, people might actually learn the address and skip ontd altogether. But I have a feeling people actually find the site enjoyable. Maybe I'm delusional.

I'm glad you're proud of ontd...they're great, if greatness is equated with sitting on the sidelines critiquing people more famous than them. But hey I guess somebody has to do it. They're great at what they do,

By the way, what is the average age of the editors of ontd? Just wondering for my own satisfaction.

Very soon, as you guys have pointed out, I'll no longer be a celebrity and there'll be no need for posting about me.

Until then,
Peace and love,
Chris "

It's a Little Late to Be Linkin'

I am SO LATE on posting these, please forgive me..the weather has just been too nice!

Here's the today's best gossip links!

You would never recognize David Beckham at 17 years old! (CWS)
Xtina Aguilera smells like.. (ABH)
Now that's a stupid bitch! (HS)
A real Swedish princess in a bikini (HBW)
Danielle Lloyd bikini pics (DSF)
Some of the funniest e-cards evar! (INO)
Tony Romo and Carrie Underwood dunzo? (TB)
Posh Spice hates gossip bloggers and our 'pseudo names'. Bitch. (TS)
I love Rosie but this photoshopped pic of her is hysterical! (POTP)
Some dickhead took this pic of Jodie Fosters ass (ND)
Harry Potter just might get his own theme park in Orlando (BS)
Jessica Alba could give 'two shits' about the paps (DH)
Cameron Diaz doesn't get the whole plastic surgery thing (CCS)
This is what you get when you cross a distorted Matthew McConaughey with Melanie Griffith (Distortrait)
Listen to Kelly Rowland latest (TGJ)
Alyssa Milano tries to get deep on our ass (GW)
When you mix Cher & Portishead you get... (PB)
The latest random Ashlee Simpson pics (ICYDK)
Sienna Miller see-thru top (JIYH)
Jordin Sparks and Blake Lewis on TRL (DS)
Nelly Furtado has 'bitter beer face'! (IBBB)
Calum Best admits he's a coke whore (EBG)
Janice Dickinson wants to get in Sir Paul's pants (GG)
Jessica Biel looks hot in the morning (DSF)
Who was a scarier kid? Drew Barrymore vs. Kirsten Dunst (CityRag)

These pics remind me of a song I used to sing as a kid...'Fat and Skinny ran a race..Skinny fell down and broke her face and Fat won the race!' (DListed)