.....aaaaaaannnd.... Sheet marks.

Commence the tantrum.

I went to Sephora today. Infuriating.

I love shopping online at Sephora, but I hate hate HATE shopping in the stores. The salespeople usually have no idea what they are talking about... They stalk you, and they are stingy bastards when it comes to samples. I never, ever get samples when shopping in a Sephora. Okay, I lied, one time the lady in front of me bought $600 worth of stuff and they gave her a bag full of samples and she accidentally dropped some on the floor and I took them. I guess that counts.

Hear that, Sephora? I HATE YOUR STORES AND YOUR SALESPEOPLE! Your website is awesome, though!

For some reason I walked out of there with a pair of snakeskin tweezers and a Makeup For Ever Diamond Powder #2.

I even gave them my Beauty Insider card and NOTHING!!! No samples at all! All they did was try to push that fucking ugly LORAC Beauty Insider palette on me. Jerks. Have you not learned that when you give me samples of things, I end up coming back and buying the full sizes?!

I was so mad after I left, I almost walked back in and returned everything. Why would I shop in the store when I could order online with free shipping, three samples plus my beauty insider samples and whatever promo code was available... AND not have to deal with the broken/missing/disgusting testers, out of stock everything, obnoxious salespeople and the crowds? Maybe I am overreacting, but I feel pissed.

In other news, while I was there I smelled Midnight Poison. Booooring. Smells like, hm, everything else. Kind of like Addict, with a little Poison, maybe some Dune... Lame. I like the bottle. Would look nice in my collection.

Also smelled Agent Provocateur Maitresse. Once again, cute bottle but totally boring scent. Smelled like soap after about 10 minutes. Let me say it again: Lame. Still would look nice in my collection. But lame.

I've mentioned before how much I hate Creative polishes because they never dry. Well, that's my problem now. I have a few that I really like, but. They. Never. Dry. Ever. I've tried Poshe, Seche Vite, OPI drops, Qtica drops, that weird spray... But still, 24+ hours later I could still scrape the polish off because it's still damp.

WHAT DO I DO WITH THESE?!?! How do I make them dry?

I just did a test manicure and so far it seems kinda dry, but still denty. One coat of Nailtek II Foundation, let dry. Two thin coats of Creative Spike, I let the first coat dry. Waited a few minutes and used Seche Vite. Added Qtica drops. It's been about two hours and while they are dry to the touch, I keep getting dents and marks from random things.

If I wake up with sheet marks in the morning, I think I am going to cry.

I just bought a huge and very, very expensive thing in which to store all of my beauty products...

That being said, I may not have a whole lot of new things to write about, so maybe I'll write about the things I already have.

I'm not very good at doing reviews. I can tell you if I think it sucks, and I can tell you if I think it's awesome, but other than that I'm not the best at describing things.

So, today I cut off all my hair and got glasses.

I am hair retarded. She made it look so easy... Now I'm not so sure what to do with it. I have all of the things she used, and I can sort of do the same things she did, but for some reason it doesn't look the same. It looks lopsided.

Damn it all, anyway. Who needs hair.

At least my nails look really nice. Not nice. Exquisite.

I'm currently wearing OPI Midnight in Moscow, which is nice but not really WOW. I need things to be WOW. I have a hard time settling for cool.

Speaking of cool, LANCOME LE MAGNETIQUE. OMFG. I should have taken pictures, and I will eventually, when I can find my camera. This stuff is awesome. I got so many compliments and "How did you do that, that's so cool!" comments. It is seriously cool. The weird thing about it is the second day the star looks a little less sharp, and the third day it's downright blurry. I wonder what causes that.

I'm mad that K wouldn't let me paint her nails. I bought her a whole bunch of nail stuff, cause I felt bad that she has crappy nails (her fault, she bites them, gets acrylics at a vietnamese chop shop and then chews them off). It doesn't seem like she appreciated the gesture. I shouldn't buy gifts for people. They never appreciate them. I bought her expensive things, too! Jerk.

On the upside, since she insisted on painting her own nails, they now look like crap. Less competition. Ha. Take that.

I really have nothing interesting to say right now.

I gotta say, red nail polish is really, really boring.

Every now and then I'll be in the mood for red nails, I'll wear one of my favorites and then spend the rest of the day embarassed by my cliche and borderline slutty red nails.

I just feel really stupid when I wear over-used mainstream things. For example, red or french nails, Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue, neutral eyeshadow or anything with a Dior logo.

Guess those would be my guilty pleasures, right? Things that I still sort of like but am to embarassed to admit.

Where was I? Red polish?

My favorite reds: OPI You Make Me Vroom, OPI Friar, Friar Pants on Fire, OPI Music Hall Curtain Call, OPI Malaga Wine, China Glaze Ruby Pumps.

I think I have a new favorite color now. I just kinda stumbled across it in an unlikely place (Sally Beauty Supply!) and I knew right then and there that it was made for me.

Finger Paints Harvest Harmony.

I should have taken a picture! It's gorgeous! I actually just removed it because it had been on for almost a week and I have to compulsively change colors three times a week. It's a deep, shimmery almost burgundy color, with gold and brown and red. It looks like fall.

I had a bunch of unused Zoya lacquers glaring at me from my dresser, so off with the Harvest Harmony. Now I'm wearing Zoya Indigo, which looks really cool in the bottle but slightly less cool on my nails. It's a dark, dark blue with tiny little multicolored glitter flecks. On my nails it's almost black and the little bitty glitter flecks are only visible in bright light and only if you're three inches away.

But, oh, what wonderful timing. Just as I had finished my Indigo manicure, my package with the Lancome Le Magnetique gets delivered. CRAP!!

Le Magnetique is this really bitchin polish with a little magnet that makes a star pattern on your nails. Gimmicky, yes, but oh-so-freaking cool. I can't wait to try it. It's gonna be the best thing ever!!!

So, Zoya. First time I've mentioned them here as I've just discovered them. I ran across an ad and thought they looked interesting. I bought the Downtown collection, which looks awesome, and a couple random ones- Trixie, Pru, Yasmeen and Ki, and they threw in some free remover and Qtica drying drops. Sweet!

Like I said, I'm wearing Indigo and so far I like Zoya. I like the shape of the bottle and the colors are all pretty unique. The formula is kinda thick and gooey and the brush in my Indigo looks really cheap. The bristles are uneven and there's a few long ones. It did only take one coat to get perfect color, but I used two anyway. With Seche and those Qutica drops it dried lightning fast. Nice.

Oh yeah, OPI Russian collection is pretty cool too. That's what the red reminded me of. Excuse the ADD blogging. OPI Russian collection has a bunch of those boring reds. It also has some nice dark ones, which I have yet to wear but are also glaring at me from the dresser. I couldn't pass up a polish called, "Suzi says Da!"

People, are you all fucking retarded?!

Yes, when you spray perfume, of course it smells like alcohol!

But, being in the very nature of alcohol, it evaporates. EVAPORATES. Yes, that means it goes away.


The next time I'm shopping and see someone spritz a perfume on their wrist, sniff immediately and say "ew, this smells like alcohol!" and wipe it off, I swear, I'm going to stab someone in the eye with my nail file.

The China Glaze X collection looked so promising.

I got I and VIII. In the bottle VIII looks like blackened violet. It's beautiful.

On the nails it's a different story. While it only took one coat to get perfectly opaque color, it just looked black. And the formula is weird. It's runny and gooey at the same time and it's nearly impossible to get a thin, even coat. You think you only have a little on the brush, but then all of a sudden this big blob drips off the brush, seemingly out of nowhere.

I don't have the patience for that kind of crap. I gave up and used Orly (YARLY) Moondoggie instead. Much better application. I forgot what a cool color Moondoggie is. I'll have to take some pictures.

I'm willing to give VIII another try when I have more time and energy.

On the subject of a perfect manicure...

Lately I can not bring myself to get a salon manicure of pedicure. This is for two reasons.
Reason one is that I actually do a much better job myself. My last salon mani/pedi was abysmally disappointing. I don't know why I even paid them.

The second reason is paranoia. Let's face it. Hands and feet are filthy. Therefore, tools used on hands and feet are also filthy. The last few times I went to a salon (all different salons, mind you) they used tools out of a little caddy, which I assumed were sterilized. Oh boy. When I saw them use the tools they just used on me on the next person in line I nearly pissed myself.

Don't be fooled by the autoclave that is so prominently displayed in the salon. They don't use it! They didn't so much as rinse those tools they just used on you. Sure, they have an autoclave, and a sink, and alcohol and various disinfectants (or jars of colored water)... That doesn't mean they use them.

Another reason that I hate going to a salon for a mani/pedi is...

"Wan fren? Fren? Get foo se fren nail, kreeleek."

You have any idea what that says? Neither do I. That's actually a question I was asked and I had no idea how to respond. Apparently, she was asking me if I wanted a french manicure, and suggesting that I get a full set of acrylics.

When I politely declined, she started talking to the lady at the station next to her in another language. That's secret code for: Stupid white girl, she'll never know we're talking about her!

I've learned better. I do my own nails. They look better, I don't have to make small talk or tip or try to understand what the hell the tech is saying, and I know my tools are clean and used only by me.

My can't-live-without nail products:
Cuticles:
Creative Solar Oil: Your nails can't look their best if your cuticles look like hell. Plus, it smells like almond.
Creative Cuticle Eraser: Give it a week of regular use and you won't recognize your cuticles.
Creative Cuticle Remover: Use before every manicure with a metal cuticle pusher. Careful, this stuff is potent.
Stainless Steel Cuticle Pusher: Gentle and does an excellent job.

Base coat:
OPI Nail Envy Sensitive and Peeling: Best base coat ever. Dries instantly, prevents staining and wear and strengthens nails.

Top Coat:
Seche Vite and Poshe: I don't know what I would do without these. Seche dries faster, but Poshe is shinier. Dries your manicure completely in 10 minutes.

Acetone nail polish remover and large cotton balls.

Add in a crystal file and a 3-way nail buffer and there you have it. My nail essentials. I haven't felt the urge to get a "professional" manicure in ages. Think of all the money you would save if you didn't go to the salon every week.

A small tip: Creative cuticle products are great, but the polish is awful. It takes two days to dry. Literally. Even with Seche and OPI Drip Dry. It's just terrible stuff. Unless, of course, you like smudgy dented bubbly nail polish.

I've been hearing a lot about this "Louboutin Manicure" or "Lubu Manicure" for a while now. I saw a picture in a magazine (can't remember which but I think it was Allure) and apparently it's a black nail with red underneath, like Louboutin shoes. I think it's really cool... I used to do my nails like that in Jr. High.

Hm. Interesting. The same people who ridiculed me for being "goth" are now the ones wearing black and red nails. Double standard much?

Right now I'm enjoying an immaculate Espresso Your Style manicure. It's dark, it's deep, it's very fall. I'm craving fall things. I'm decorating myself to reflect that by wearing the colors of fall foliage, and I smell like burning leaves and hot chocolate.