I gotta say, red nail polish is really, really boring.

Every now and then I'll be in the mood for red nails, I'll wear one of my favorites and then spend the rest of the day embarassed by my cliche and borderline slutty red nails.

I just feel really stupid when I wear over-used mainstream things. For example, red or french nails, Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue, neutral eyeshadow or anything with a Dior logo.

Guess those would be my guilty pleasures, right? Things that I still sort of like but am to embarassed to admit.

Where was I? Red polish?

My favorite reds: OPI You Make Me Vroom, OPI Friar, Friar Pants on Fire, OPI Music Hall Curtain Call, OPI Malaga Wine, China Glaze Ruby Pumps.

I think I have a new favorite color now. I just kinda stumbled across it in an unlikely place (Sally Beauty Supply!) and I knew right then and there that it was made for me.

Finger Paints Harvest Harmony.

I should have taken a picture! It's gorgeous! I actually just removed it because it had been on for almost a week and I have to compulsively change colors three times a week. It's a deep, shimmery almost burgundy color, with gold and brown and red. It looks like fall.

I had a bunch of unused Zoya lacquers glaring at me from my dresser, so off with the Harvest Harmony. Now I'm wearing Zoya Indigo, which looks really cool in the bottle but slightly less cool on my nails. It's a dark, dark blue with tiny little multicolored glitter flecks. On my nails it's almost black and the little bitty glitter flecks are only visible in bright light and only if you're three inches away.

But, oh, what wonderful timing. Just as I had finished my Indigo manicure, my package with the Lancome Le Magnetique gets delivered. CRAP!!

Le Magnetique is this really bitchin polish with a little magnet that makes a star pattern on your nails. Gimmicky, yes, but oh-so-freaking cool. I can't wait to try it. It's gonna be the best thing ever!!!

So, Zoya. First time I've mentioned them here as I've just discovered them. I ran across an ad and thought they looked interesting. I bought the Downtown collection, which looks awesome, and a couple random ones- Trixie, Pru, Yasmeen and Ki, and they threw in some free remover and Qtica drying drops. Sweet!

Like I said, I'm wearing Indigo and so far I like Zoya. I like the shape of the bottle and the colors are all pretty unique. The formula is kinda thick and gooey and the brush in my Indigo looks really cheap. The bristles are uneven and there's a few long ones. It did only take one coat to get perfect color, but I used two anyway. With Seche and those Qutica drops it dried lightning fast. Nice.

Oh yeah, OPI Russian collection is pretty cool too. That's what the red reminded me of. Excuse the ADD blogging. OPI Russian collection has a bunch of those boring reds. It also has some nice dark ones, which I have yet to wear but are also glaring at me from the dresser. I couldn't pass up a polish called, "Suzi says Da!"

People, are you all fucking retarded?!

Yes, when you spray perfume, of course it smells like alcohol!

But, being in the very nature of alcohol, it evaporates. EVAPORATES. Yes, that means it goes away.


The next time I'm shopping and see someone spritz a perfume on their wrist, sniff immediately and say "ew, this smells like alcohol!" and wipe it off, I swear, I'm going to stab someone in the eye with my nail file.

The China Glaze X collection looked so promising.

I got I and VIII. In the bottle VIII looks like blackened violet. It's beautiful.

On the nails it's a different story. While it only took one coat to get perfectly opaque color, it just looked black. And the formula is weird. It's runny and gooey at the same time and it's nearly impossible to get a thin, even coat. You think you only have a little on the brush, but then all of a sudden this big blob drips off the brush, seemingly out of nowhere.

I don't have the patience for that kind of crap. I gave up and used Orly (YARLY) Moondoggie instead. Much better application. I forgot what a cool color Moondoggie is. I'll have to take some pictures.

I'm willing to give VIII another try when I have more time and energy.

On the subject of a perfect manicure...

Lately I can not bring myself to get a salon manicure of pedicure. This is for two reasons.
Reason one is that I actually do a much better job myself. My last salon mani/pedi was abysmally disappointing. I don't know why I even paid them.

The second reason is paranoia. Let's face it. Hands and feet are filthy. Therefore, tools used on hands and feet are also filthy. The last few times I went to a salon (all different salons, mind you) they used tools out of a little caddy, which I assumed were sterilized. Oh boy. When I saw them use the tools they just used on me on the next person in line I nearly pissed myself.

Don't be fooled by the autoclave that is so prominently displayed in the salon. They don't use it! They didn't so much as rinse those tools they just used on you. Sure, they have an autoclave, and a sink, and alcohol and various disinfectants (or jars of colored water)... That doesn't mean they use them.

Another reason that I hate going to a salon for a mani/pedi is...

"Wan fren? Fren? Get foo se fren nail, kreeleek."

You have any idea what that says? Neither do I. That's actually a question I was asked and I had no idea how to respond. Apparently, she was asking me if I wanted a french manicure, and suggesting that I get a full set of acrylics.

When I politely declined, she started talking to the lady at the station next to her in another language. That's secret code for: Stupid white girl, she'll never know we're talking about her!

I've learned better. I do my own nails. They look better, I don't have to make small talk or tip or try to understand what the hell the tech is saying, and I know my tools are clean and used only by me.

My can't-live-without nail products:
Cuticles:
Creative Solar Oil: Your nails can't look their best if your cuticles look like hell. Plus, it smells like almond.
Creative Cuticle Eraser: Give it a week of regular use and you won't recognize your cuticles.
Creative Cuticle Remover: Use before every manicure with a metal cuticle pusher. Careful, this stuff is potent.
Stainless Steel Cuticle Pusher: Gentle and does an excellent job.

Base coat:
OPI Nail Envy Sensitive and Peeling: Best base coat ever. Dries instantly, prevents staining and wear and strengthens nails.

Top Coat:
Seche Vite and Poshe: I don't know what I would do without these. Seche dries faster, but Poshe is shinier. Dries your manicure completely in 10 minutes.

Acetone nail polish remover and large cotton balls.

Add in a crystal file and a 3-way nail buffer and there you have it. My nail essentials. I haven't felt the urge to get a "professional" manicure in ages. Think of all the money you would save if you didn't go to the salon every week.

A small tip: Creative cuticle products are great, but the polish is awful. It takes two days to dry. Literally. Even with Seche and OPI Drip Dry. It's just terrible stuff. Unless, of course, you like smudgy dented bubbly nail polish.

I've been hearing a lot about this "Louboutin Manicure" or "Lubu Manicure" for a while now. I saw a picture in a magazine (can't remember which but I think it was Allure) and apparently it's a black nail with red underneath, like Louboutin shoes. I think it's really cool... I used to do my nails like that in Jr. High.

Hm. Interesting. The same people who ridiculed me for being "goth" are now the ones wearing black and red nails. Double standard much?

Right now I'm enjoying an immaculate Espresso Your Style manicure. It's dark, it's deep, it's very fall. I'm craving fall things. I'm decorating myself to reflect that by wearing the colors of fall foliage, and I smell like burning leaves and hot chocolate.

See, I complain about the picture of Kelly Rowland and now look what they do... They make it BIGGER!

Damn dead transsexual hooker banner is ruining my blogging experience! (No offense to living transsexual hookers. We cool.)


Since there's nothing particularly attention-grabbing in the cosmetics world at the moment, I'll keep yapping about perfume.

I feel like filling out a big, long survey but I can't come up with the questions myself. I'll have to yoink one from someone. I'm in a list-making form-filling survey-taking kind of mood.

I think I'm getting over my amber phase. I'm not going to stop liking amber or anything, but my experience with Ambre Sultan the other day kinda put me off of it for a while.

Normally I love Ambre Sultan. Wearing it in 90 degree weather was probably not such a good idea. Wearing it in 90 degree weather makes it give off the distinct odor of caged animals. Elephants, maybe. Or horses. Sexy.

Still, I'm not going to follow the "It's summer, you must wear light fruity floral scents or magically disappearing citrus scents!" trend. I'll admit, I've been wearing my Un Jardin Sur le Nil more than usual, and I considered wearing Light Blue today, but where's the fun in that?

Okay, how about a list. Since I'm not very creative, how about a top ten list. Current favorite fragrances.

1. Organza Indecence
2. 10 Corso Como
3. Loukhoum
   
4. Chergui
   
5. Black Cashmere
6. Neiges
7. MV3
8. Patchouli 24
   
9. Chrysanthemum Moon
10. Vanille Extreme

I'd think that a lot of people would consider those totally inappropriate for summer... You know what I say?

Well, of course you know what I say.

I think that list is, while somewhat boring, quite indicitave of the types of perfumes I tend to gravitate toward and love.

I try to appreciate the florals, I really do... I just can't. While I can respect the florals, I really can not love them. Or even like them. I can handle violets. That's about it.

Now Patchouli 24, there's a masterpiece. I had written it off as "ew patchouli" without even trying it. That was a mistake. Maybe you can't judge a perfume by its cover?

It's the most perfect burning leaves and leather scent. It's a bit strong (just a bit?!) and I'm having a hard time figuring out where the patchouli is. It's smoky and rich and sweet and bitter all at the same time. It's right up there with CB Burning Leaves. Beautiful.

I'm trying to decide what the point of this entry is. Is there a moral to this story? The moral is: I'm bored and no one else will listen to me babble about perfume.

While I am trying to learn to love the classic Guerlain Vol de Nuit, I can't help but think it would be really cool if they released a fragrance called Vol de Mort.

It could come in a bottle like an Anna Sui, except it wouldn't have a nose.

Can you tell I've been drinking?

As much as I like reading Allure for the pretty pictures, I'll have to disagree with their self-proclaimed title of "The Beauty Expert."

Some of the "advice" I read in there is just laughably absurd. For example, in this month's issue, it says not to wash off your mascara or eyeliner to give a sexy, dirty look.

Um, ew. WTF?

Yes, that filthy tramp look is so sexy right now. So are eye infections and mascara-stained pillowcases.

I also think it's an absolute shame that they put a blonde wig on Liv Tyler. They couldn't handle a completely real, stunningly beautiful, pale, haunting brunette. They had to cover her in bronzer and put her in a blonde wig and a bikini. Go conformity! Totally disgusting. Is that the message they're trying to send to readers?

Another thing that bothers me is Linda Wells. In every letter from the editor she writes, she always seems to belittle and insult some group of the population in an underhanded way. Drives me up the wall. So snobby.

I don't hate Allure. On the contrary, I actually prefer it over 99% of the magazines out there. I've won a few of their contests. I like the pictures. Most of the articles are fluff, or meant for the beauty-retarded but every now and then there will be a good one. There was an article with Karl Bradl about choosing fragrance as gifts not too long ago.

What I do really appreciate about Allure is the (almost) absent sex advice. It seems like every other magazine out there has the message of, "If you're not banging random bar guys every night, then you aren't a beautiful modern woman. Buy this makeup and these clothes and every guy will want to do you and then you'll be part of humanity. If you're in a monogamous relationship then you're an ugly, prudish freak of nature and a closed-minded bigot."

I don't want to get into the politics of it all, but I applaud Allure for not advertising the "Women are worthless without a man" message that all other magazines seem to push on everyone. I just wish they were more broad in their definition of beauty (tan, blue-eyed blonde waifs).

Aaaaaaanyway....

That picture of Kelly Rowland (whoever the hell that is...) on the Xanga homepage is terrifying. I can't tell if she's a mannequin, a corpse or a dead drag queen. That makeup is atrocious and the photoshopping is so blatantly obvious, it's making me laugh. Maybe she swallowed a uranium rod (insert Beavis laugh here) and the eerie glow is a side effect of the radiation.