Estehticians, tell me this.

Why does a bikini wax cost $45 and a Brazilian cost $80?

I am in a major rut right now, and I don't have my retail therapy to fall back on... So I figured I'd sit around and read the rags today. Do you see how sick Paris looks lately? She looks like she's dying. Her eyes are all glazed over and have no sparkle in them... her skin looks dull and it looks like she's forcing a smile. I wonder what's wrong with her?

Speaking of Paris, I have a little MAC lipglass rave to start. Paris has said that her favorite lipcolor is MAC lipglass in Prrr. Knowing that, I had to buy it, and it became my favorite lipglass.

But, I got my Holiday Temptations mini lipglass sets this week, and inside the Cool set was a lipglass called Cultured. I hate the way it looks on everyone when they wear it, so I figured I'd hate it. I didn't even bother trying it on. Until today.

Cultured is now my absolute favorite perfect pink lipgloss. I don't know what I did without it! I need to order a full size, cause I have a feeling this mini isn't going to last me long.

If you've never tried it, MAC lipglass is just about the most amazing lipgloss ever created. It comes in fifty bajillion shades, finishes and textures, it stays on forever, it's cheap ($14!!!) and it tastes like cake.

MAC lipglass = <3.

There's one brand that I'm always on the fence about. Sugar. I have bought a lot of their stuff and it throws me for a loop. The two mini lipgloss sets are amazing. The taste, smell and texture is fab, and they're so cute. But then I got the Mini Slicks set and it's... meh. They taste all right, but there's so much... glitter. It's borderline juvenile. I tried the Perfect 10 eyeshadow palette and I love it. It's not quite as good as MAC, but they are so velvety and the blend very well.

So... Sugar cosmetics. I highly recommend the I Taste Like Sugar and I Scream For Sugar sets. Not really sure about the other stuff though.

And, just because I haven't mentioned it yet, the absolute Holy Grail, creme de la creme of all foundations. Bare Escentuals Bare Minerals. You just won't want to use any other foundation. And it's completely unlike any foundation you've tried. I don't think I've ever met someone who doesn't love it.

And... for concealer, I'm loving the Philosophy Supernatural concealer palette. It has three shades that you can custom blend. but I really find myself only using the middle shade. It's creamy, covers well, doesn't cake or flake, and it blends like a dream. A+ in my book. Concealer is your best friend.

I use the word "and" a lot. I guess I type the way I talk. Oops.

I am putting myself on a spending freeze!

For a month, I'm not going to buy anything that isn't necessary, unless it's a gift for someone else.

I took a good hard look at how many glosses, fragrances... just sheer masses of product... that I own and I need to use. And, the amount I spend on this stuff.... damn.

Now that I'm a blonde, I find that my hair has become very... Dry. It's always been processed, but now it's just... fried. I like the fact that it adds volume to my otherwise flat hair, but I don't like looking like some crispy-hair bleach blonde trailer trash.

I had a sample of Ojon Restorative Hair Treatment lying around and I decided now was as good a time as any to try it out. I melted it in my palms and applied it to towel dried hair as suggested.

The good: It made my hair soft and took away the fried look.

The bad: It's heavy, oily and it smells like a headshop.

It seriously smells like someone was burning some strong incense and blew it into my hair. I smell like a damned hippie. I showered before I put it on, and instantly I felt like I haven't washed my hair in weeks. I had to look in the mirror to make sure I didn't suddenly have dreads.

My hair was intact, I was still wearing a bra, and I didn't mysteriously develop any tacky, trashy peace sign tattoos.

*whew* Crisis over.

Now, to go wash my hair.

I was remembering something earlier that happened a long time ago and it made me laugh.

My first experience with non-facial waxing.

I was a freshman or sophomore in highschool and just starting to get obsessed with beauty... I had seen a commercial for Nad's... remember that stuff? Nad's? Seriously, who the fuck names it NAD'S??

Anyway... My mom bought some Nad's (that just sounds so wrong...) and I was determined to try it... So, I didn't shave my legs for 3 weeks.

At that point in time I was miniscule 90 lbs and could wear pretty much anything I wanted. Mostly I wore a lot of short skirts with fishnets and combat boots. But... short skirts don't really go with unshaven legs.

I had to figure out how to hide my hairy legs and still be able to wear the clothes I always wore so no one would suspect anything! I tried the opaque black tights thing, and sometimes I could actually see the hair through them! Damn my dark-haired Italian genes!

At the end of three weeks I was looking more like a monster than a human, and I was super excited to try out my new Nad's (wouldn't you be?). I follow the directions precisely... Wash with the soap, dry, apply, and put the cloth over... Hold skin taut and pull in the opposite direction... RIP!

And I thought to myself..... Wow, I didn't expect there to be that much blood.

Since then I have become a waxing pro. No more accidental skin removal. It's interesting how we learn these things. I still prefer to shave my legs, and leave other waxing to a professional... But still, it's a valuable skill to have.

Oh yeah, Nad's tastes like sugar. They said on the commercial that it was edible, so I tasted it. Mmm... Nad's.

An article about me! Except... Drugstore? Please. You know, I could have bought another car with the amount I spend on makeup. But cars don't make my lips sparkly.

Scrangie's Winter Survival checklist:

Korres Guava Body Butter: Pretty much the best moisturizer ever. Smells kinda funky, like ... Guava... But it makes your skin like... Bananas. Er... that wasn't quite right. Soft. Some soft fruit that isn't guava. Ok, it makes your skin really soft and hydrated. Forget that whole fruit thing.

Benefit Sandal Scandal: Even if you aren't wearing sandals anymore and you have the excuse that no one will see your feet (except everyone in your pilates class)... You must still care for your feet. This foot treatment has 10% AHA, soaks right in, and comes with cute pink pompom socks. It's like an overnight pedicure. Smells like Benefit's Maybe Baby fragrance too. No more nasty mint-scented foot products!

MAC Moisture Feed Skin, Philosophy Hope in a Jar: Two top quality super creamy facial moisturizers. When the weather gets cold and dry you need to switch to a heavier moisturizer... Like a protective scarf for your skin. Don't forget your sun protection, either!

Tend Skin Solution: Miracle in a bottle.

My Lip Stuff, MAC Tinted Lip Conditioner: MLS comes in over 300 flavors, is dirt cheap and totally awesome. MAC TLC is cute, comes in cute colors, tastes like cake, has SPF and keeps your lips from cracking and falling off in the wonderful midwest winter.

Frederic Fekkai Technician Color Care Mask: Winter = dry. This means hair, too. Dry hair is sad hair. Especially when you have expensive color to maintain.

Bare Escentuals Faux Tan: Ok, I admit. I tan. But I shouldn't. You shouldn't. If I had to have a tan out of a bottle, it would be this one. I don't need a Paris Hilton bronze, I just want a not-a-corpse glow. BE Faux Tan has bronzer so you can see exactly where you apply, plus it gives you some instant color. The color is natural and flattering. One word of advice: wear gloves. You'll have brown palms if you don't... all that extra bronzer soaks in and stains.

Philosophy Cinnamon Buns: It's a shower gel that smells like cinnamon buns. What more could you possibly want? If cinnamon buns aren't your thing, Philosophy has a bajillion other amazing options, such as: Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, Sugar Cookie, Strawberry Milkshake, Lemon Custard, Chocolate Chip Cookies, Melting Chocolate, Pumpkin Pie.... need I say more?

Now, take your glowing skin, your glossy lips, and healthy hair, top them off with a non-dorky hat and some chic sunglasses, and you're all set to not die from the -245 degree Chicago winter.

Or at least die and leave a very sexy corpse.