Wednesday, August 5, 2009

A flash of memory

I'm always looking back. I'm this type of a person who does that. I usually look few months ahead, but at the same time, I think about how it was months or even years ago. I like memories. I am hooked on memories. Mostly on good ones. I had a pretty tough childhood and maybe 10 years ago, I would've dwelled on that horrible period of my life all the time. But now, I'm mostly thinking about the past few years, from 2004 to now. It was a huge break in my life. I started to travel to Asia. My love life was flipped upside down and now nothing seems to be like it was in 2004. So many changes in 5 years: Ten times more than the previous 25 years. Or maybe there wasn't that many changes, but I just think they had a bigger impact on the current me. And this 2009 is really like a new turning point. I feel things will be once again so much different than they were between 2004 and 2009. A new chapter in my life, I guess. But I'm still looking back. Not all the time and not analyzing. Don't you have sometimes a sudden unexpected flash of memory literally infront of your eyes? Like something reminds you of a special occasion from the past? I have many lately. Especially about people who were so dear and close to me, who were a big part of my life, but were at one point abruptly disappearing from it. It can sting. It can burn. It can really hurt. But I try to stop it before it becomes bigger. I usually succeed and come back to present very quickly. And then I pretend like it never happened and put myself into some work, where my brain is switched off. I guess that's just how some of us tick.

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