Saturday, May 16, 2009

When old friendships fade and new emerge

Today I had a bit of a bitter experience with my friend who lives a bit far away from me. I had to drive 1h to get to him. We are best buddies since university, but today he seemed so different, so moody, so unpleasant. His remarks made me uncomfortable and also there were so many moments when we just sat there quietly, not knowing what to talk about. We sipped our beer and stared. What a weird situation. When I went to visit him, I was really looking forward to meet him. How would I know that things will turn out this way? That made me think.
I cherish friendships. Real friendships. I know many people, but when I see that they are not my cup of tea, I don't hang out with them. I had many friends in secondary school and university. After I started traveling a lot, most of these friendships faded. But I made many new friends. It is hard though to meet someone and then leave again. So, I left behind some friends in Malaysia and returned to Slovenia, where I met again my old friends. And it saddens me that they changed. Maybe I have changed, I don't know. Maybe they envy my lifestyle of traveling and living in a foreign country. I can see their lives are boring, I return and have many stories to tell, while their life is basically the same. But at least they have stability. They have jobs, girlfriends, but they are stuck in a routine. Well, I hate routine. I like my life to be projects. You tell me one year and I'll tell you what was the centre of my life then. My life always keeps changing. And the more I think about settling down, it's very hard for me. I see myself in Asia now. Eirther Malaysia, Singapore or elsewhere. I would go immediately. If I had the time and something to engage in, like girlfriend or job (better girlfriend and job). And maybe that's the reason I can't have some good friendships with people here. I'm 'globalized', they are 'localized'. And the thing is, I do wish the best for them. Their life is easy. It may not be excited, but mine is also no thrill every day. I have big ups and downs and I keep reevaluating my life. But that's who I am. I can be better friends who go through same or similar experiences. No wonder I have more friends and confidants from all over the globe rather than here at home. And I always want my best friend to be my girlfriend or wife. Currently I don't have a best friend, nor a girlfriend. But I have many friends who supply me with some nice conversations and give me good advice without being judgemental. I like that. And I don't care if they're from Singapore, Taichung or Manchester. They are awsome people and they make me feel alright. Thank you, friends.
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